


Primavera

by lunchbucket



Series: Primaverse [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Non-Magical, Art History, Backpacking Around Europe, Botticelli, Firenze | Florence, Greece, London, M/M, Renaissance Art, Travel, age gap
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-29
Updated: 2019-07-01
Packaged: 2020-05-30 19:54:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 25,118
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19410268
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lunchbucket/pseuds/lunchbucket
Summary: Sirius never had an interest in art, not until he found the right person to show it to him, that is.





	1. A Port in the Storm

Sirius slid in through the cafe door behind another patron who was leaving, relieved to find shelter from the sudden torrential downpour he was caught in a moment earlier. When the rain finally burst through the dark clouds that had been threatening to ruin his plans all afternoon, he discovered his rainjacket hood was trapped underneath one of the heavy straps of his traveling backpack — dammit — so now, his hair was a soaking, sopping mess, jet black streaks falling across his face at odd angles from the wind. He carded a hand through his hair and wiped his wet hand off on his jeans as he took in the space he’d just entered.

He was in a small cafe with exposed brick walls and only a couple of tables inside, not exactly a spot that would have caught his eye normally. The door was barely visible from the outside, unless of course you were a traveler caught in an unexpected storm and were looking for a dry place to hide. But now that he was here, the place was actually perfect. He noticed that most of the seating was outside, temporarily rendered useless because of the weather, but it likely made for a quaint scene when conditions were better. 

There were only about three other people inside today and there was a single empty table just vacated, which he staked his claim at immediately. He heaved his wet backpack off onto the ground and nudged it under the table with his boot, then walked up to the counter. 

Sirius attempted to place his order in broken Italian before the barista, bless his soul, switched to English. He accepted his drink a couple of minutes later and retreated to his little table, where he wrapped his hands around the cup and craned his neck to look out the window, hoping the rain would stop soon so that he could continue on to find his Airbnb for the night. He took an apprehensive sip of the cappuccino, still far too hot to drink freely, and looked around.

A couple, probably local as they were speaking in fluent Italian, was huddled together at the table in the corner of the cafe. Sirius found the other person in the cafe, however, much more interesting. The man looked older than him, but not by much. His lean form was poured over an almost comically large stack of books he had spread about, his elbows relaxed on the table, and the long fingers of his left hand simultaneously held a pen and were lazily pulling at the honey colored hair at the base of his neck as he read. He looked utterly in his element.

Sirius was content with admiring this bookish man from afar until he finally noticed what he was reading. He could barely make the title out from this distance, but he realized at least one of the books was written in — _English_! — which sent a jolt of hopeful, giddy excitement through his body. Sirius had been traveling for months now and desperately missed connecting with people who could, and wanted to, have a conversation with him in his native tongue. He had taken this trip with the intention of being alone, of forcing himself to become more comfortable in his own company, but that didn’t mean he wasn't lonely sometimes.

Without thinking any more about it, Sirius grabbed his cappuccino and his backpack and drug it toward the table with the English-reading man. Sirius slid into the chair across from him at the narrow table overflowing with books about art, careful not to get any of the pages wet. When the man looked up at Sirius, he saw soft hazel eyes with flecks of green in them, widened slightly in an expression of polite confusion.

“Hi,” Sirius started, shaking his hair out of his face again as he scooted forward in the chair, “You’re reading in English. Where are you from?”

The man’s eyebrows lifted. “London,” he answered simply, and Sirius was happy to note that there was a kind look of interest on his face now. He must not have minded being interrupted. “Originally from Wales, as you can probably tell from my accent. But I guess home is London now.” 

“Oh, me too. London, I mean,” Sirius responded, perhaps a little too eagerly. The man smiled in a way that suggested he had probably figured that out already. “My name is Sirius Black, by the way.”

“Remus Lupin,” he answered, setting his pen down on the page. He closed his book over it and focused in more directly on Sirius. “It’s nice to meet you, Sirius.” 

“You too, Remus Lupin.” Sirius worked to keep his voice as moderately toned as Remus’. He waved a hand across the table and asked, “What are you doing in Florence reading this huge pile of textbooks?” 

Remus smiled and laughed softly through his nose at the question. “I’m an Art History professor at King’s College — I’m in Florence for a year doing research for a paper I’m writing.”

“A professor?” Sirius clarified full of disbelief, and Remus nodded in confirmation. “But how old are you? Like 28?”

“Thirty-three,” Remus corrected him with a look of amusement now crossing his face, the side of his lips crooking up into a delicate smile again. “And what about you?” Remus continued, gesturing to the large backpack on the ground while Sirius’ eyes stayed glued to his mouth. “Backpacking through Europe after finishing university? Looking to see the world and find yourself?” 

Sirius came to. “Am I that obvious?” he asked, wrinkling his nose, feeling younger than usual under this man’s astute gaze.

“A little.” 

“Fallout with my family, best friend got married, and some other personal things,” Sirius explained as he waved his hand dismissively, hoping that the slight crack in his voice wouldn’t give away just how much these things actually did affect him. “I figured I needed to become more independent. Or maybe just less dependent, I guess.”

A shallow line appeared between his brows. “I’m sorry about your family,” Remus supplied softly, and despite having known each other for only two minutes and having no real information, Sirius believed that he actually meant it. “And as somebody older and wiser, take it from me, your best friend is still going to be your best friend — give him a couple months to adjust to marriage. He isn’t going to change.” 

“You don’t think so?” Sirius asked.

Remus hummed in confirmation as he brought his mug of tea up to his lips for another drink. “People don’t really ever change, no matter what big life event happens. If he’s been a good friend up until now—”

“He’s the absolute best,” Sirius piped up quickly, causing a slow smile to bloom on the right side of Remus’ face. 

“Well then I wouldn’t worry so much,” he finished.

Sirius nodded at Remus, taking a drink of his cappuccino as he sat back more comfortably into his chair. He enjoyed the way that Remus spoke, not just the soft, deep tone of his voice, but also the understated conviction in the things that he said. It was comforting. 

Remus tilted his head to the side in thought and spun his mug in a circle on the table. The silence between them was soothing too, Sirius noticed. “What parts of Europe have you already been to then?” Remus asked.

“Well, first I spent about a week in Ireland. Did a lot of hiking there—,” Sirius paused for a second and then continued on a little more energetically when he remembered something, “Did you know that they filmed some of the biggest scenes from Braveheart in Ireland? Doesn’t that kind of ruin the movie? A story about the greatest _Scotsman_ of all time, filmed in… _Ireland_?”

Remus shook his head at that. “Oh, for shame,” he chided with an amused smile that immediately disarmed Sirius. He felt a blush start to spread onto his face and continued to talk — too quickly — in an effort to keep it at bay.

“Right,” he said, casting his eyes down at the table as he concentrated on recalling all the legs of his journey in the right order, “Then I flew over to Prague. Bought a EuroRail pass. Took the train to Budapest, then meandered around Austria from there for a while, and then headed to Rome,” Sirius looked up, “I got to Florence a couple of hours ago right before the sky opened up on me,” he finished, waving a hand toward himself.

“Fantastic timing,” the other man affirmed with some amusement, seeming to just notice that Sirius’ hair was drenched, “and you haven’t been to Florence before?” Sirius shook his head. He briefly wondered if he could convince Remus to show him around. “Oh, well I hope you love it as much as I do.” 

“What do you love about it?” Sirius asked.

“Everything,” Remus laughed softly as he gathered his thoughts, “the architecture, the food, and the art, obviously. But there’s something else too, something hard to describe. Florence is the home to a lot of the greatest art ever created, and yet it remains this magical, friendly, _easy_ city. It’s not overwhelming like Rome or Paris can be. It’s simple and beautiful. Intimate.”

“I don’t know very much about art,” Sirius admitted.

“No?” Remus clarified.

“No, it was something my parents were very into. So naturally, I ignored it.” Remus laughed again, tossing his head back an inch, and Sirius silently thanked the universe that the man was still somewhat amused by him. “What are you researching while you are here?”

“I’m looking into how the prominent Italian political thinkers during the Renaissance -- like Machiavelli, Savonarola, and Guicciardini -- influenced the artwork that was created at that time,” Remus said simply as he lightly fanned the pages of one of his textbooks with his hand, still resting his elbows relaxedly on the table, “How the evolution of various paintings and sculptures reflected the themes and outlooks on humanity that those schools of thought perpetuated.”

“That’s interesting,” Sirius observed, “I sadly missed out on any sort of education in the Humanities at all, unfortunately.”

Remus smiled and shrugged, “Maybe unfortunate. But maybe you were more interested in something else though,” he said. Then, opening and closing his hand in Sirius’ direction, he asked, “What did you study?”

“Studied medicine,” Sirius replied, eyes glued to Remus. He was fascinated by his expressions and the way his body moved, measured and smooth, like through water.

“That’s impressive,” Remus said. “But was that past tense I heard?”

Sirius looked down at the table and shook his head before answering. “Right, had to get away from London for a while. Too much was happening,” he said quickly, hoping that Remus would sense not to press the issue, and looked up to see Remus’ gaze on him.

Remus pursed his lips gently and hummed in response before answering a beat later, “Well, school will always be there. And in the meantime you can learn more about art history while you’re here. I’d be happy to show you some of my favorite pieces, give you a basic understanding of the Renaissance period at least.” 

Sirius looked up at Remus, feeling a smile forming on his face at being offered exactly what he had wanted. “I’d love that.”

“Okay, let’s do it,” Remus supplied, tapping his pointer finger on the table as if cementing the plan, “I need to finish up a short assignment for my advisor today, but maybe we could meet back here tomorrow? Around 2pm?” 

“Yeah, 2pm works great,” Sirius agreed. He looked out the window. It was only drizzling now, a vast improvement from the conditions that had brought him into the cafe. As much as he didn’t want to leave Remus’ company, he took the cue and stood up, pulling his hood over his head before lifting the backpack back up over his shoulders. He looked back at Remus, who had already reopened the textbook he had been reading before Sirius made his way over to the table. 

“I’m glad that I came over to talk to you,” Sirius said as his eyes scanned Remus’ face again. 

Remus looked up at Sirius and smiled kindly. “I am too.” Sirius wondered how much of Remus’ smile was genuine and how much was just well-mannered decency. He was determined to find out what real joy would look like on his face. But until then, this would do. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Remus.” 

*****

Sirius woke up the following morning in the comfort of his Airbnb. He had spent the previous evening exploring Florence before stopping at a trattoria for dinner, and he fell asleep the moment he landed in bed. He had gotten used to sleeping in random places now — he was over a month into his backpacking trip after all. 

This particular Airbnb was one of the nicer ones that he had stayed in, and the laundromat down the block was a huge bonus. There was a huge, well-stocked kitchen, and by the laughter he could hear through the walls, the other guests in the house were already awake. He had mixed feelings about making friends with the other early 20-something travelers he came across, sure most of them were mainly interested in doing things like pub crawls and clubbing. Things that Sirius had practically lived for two years ago seemed to be everything that he avoided now.

He got out of bed, smiling as he recalled the person he met yesterday, a man who was decidedly uninterested in getting pissed at a bar, and whom he would be meeting again in just a few hours. He walked down the hall quietly and slipped into the bathroom for a long shower, and he woke up slowly under the stream of hot water. The weather in Florence was pretty mild today, he noticed as he toweled off, so he changed into a pair of jeans and a grey henley shirt and finally headed out into the kitchen. 

“Oh, hello!” 

He was greeted immediately by one of two young women who were sitting at the kitchen counter. She was dark-skinned and lean, her hair short and curly. Her travel companion was practically the opposite, shorter, curvy, and fair with long blonde hair, and equally as beautiful. They both must have been somewhere around his age, and based on the first woman’s accent, were probably from France. 

“Good morning,” Sirius smiled at the two women as he gave them a soft wave, “I’m Sirius.”

“I’m Marlene,” the first woman responded, “and this is my girlfriend Dorcas.” 

“It’s so nice to meet you both,” he said politely as he made his way to the refrigerator. Upon the introduction to Marlene and Dorcas, he immediately thought that the contrast in their physical appearance made them one of the most gorgeous couples he had ever seen. “Where are you two from?”

“We’re from the southern coast of France, around Marseille,” Dorcas replied as she spread nutella across her roll and reached for a banana. “Are you English?”

“I am,” Sirius confirmed. He opened the refrigerator and suppressed a disappointed sigh when he remembered that traditional Italian breakfast was everything sugary. He enjoyed desserts, and was particularly jazzed for all the gelato he would be eating in Florence, but in his mind, breakfast was supposed to be savory. Nothing like a sugar bomb in the morning to ruin your day -- he made a mental note to pick up some smoked salmon and eggs from the market while he was out. He reached into the fridge and grabbed the yogurt.

“What are you doing in Florence?” he asked conversationally as he poured some muesli into a dish.

“Dorcas and I are celebrating our one year anniversary,” Marlene answered sweetly, giving her girlfriends’ shoulder a soft peck. “I couldn’t think of a more romantic place to travel to take her than Italy. We’re going to Portofino in a week, too.”

“Art and ocean, my two favorite things,” Dorcas chimed in.

“Wow, a beautiful couple traveling around Italy together,” Sirius laughed, “I feel so envious.” 

“Oh, I like you already,” Dorcas stated definitively as began to french braid her long hair. “Your turn, what are you doing in Florence?”

“Nothing too exciting. Just backpacking around Europe for a few months. I finished university and felt like I needed to take some time before I figure out my next move,” he said. Sirius dug into his bowl of yogurt and muesli and chewed thoughtfully, then continued, “I don’t really have a set plan or anything, just a EuroRail pass and a vague idea of the cities I would like to visit.”

“I don’t know, Sirius, that’s pretty exciting; I think I may be envious of you too.”

“Hm, yeah, I guess you’re right,” Sirius conceded to Marlene, withholding the far from envious reasons he had decided to leave London in the first place. 

“Well, Sirius, we are going to the Accademia after breakfast. Would you like to come with us?”

Sirius asked from behind his hand, “The museum with the David?” 

“Yes, and we’ll probably grab lunch afterwards,” Dorcas chimed in.

“I’d love to,” Sirius nodded happily as he moved over to the sink to wash the dishes he had used. Meeting these two was a pleasant surprise that he didn’t see coming. “I’ll just grab my jacket and I’m ready to go.”

They left a few minutes later, right after Dorcas gave Sirius an over the top whistle when he emerged wearing his leather jacket. They walked in tandem to the museum, the air crisp and refreshing after all of the rain the day before. There was an easy rapport already established between them, and thirty short minutes later, they were there. 

The morning passed quickly and Sirius made mental notes about his favorite pieces of art, eager to have something to discuss with Remus later that day. He didn’t realize that a trip to a museum could be so enjoyable, but he had never had Dorcas as a museum guide before -- she insisted on narrating the paintings that Sirius stopped to look at, making him laugh every time. 

The three of them stopped for pizza after a couple of hours in the museum. Sirius felt upbeat, excited, and more optimistic than he had since before he left London — a little more like his old self — and the day was only going to get better. It felt good to make an instant connection with people. At around 1:30, he said goodbye to Marlene and Dorcas, promising to fill them in about the rest of his day when he got back that night. 

He walked up to the cafe about ten minutes early, but was surprised to see Remus already there ahead of him. He was leaning back against the brick wall with an ankle crossed over his standing leg, reading something on his phone. Sirius took an extra moment to observe the man who had so thoroughly intrigued him from the start. He was uniquely attractive in a way that Sirius had never really seen before, a calm confidence radiating off of him that just intensified the physical attributes that made him beautiful to Sirius. From this vantage point, Sirius could see that he was tall, even taller than him.

Sirius finally walked a few paces forward to land in front of Remus. “Hello,” Sirius said simply, startling Remus for a split second. But he regained his composure quickly, smiling at Sirius in recognition.

“Wow, you look refreshed,” Remus exclaimed, his eyes almost imperceptibly flitting over Sirius, “and _dry_.” 

Sirius shrugged with a smile. “It’s amazing what sleep and a shower can do for a person,” he mused. Sirius took a moment to appreciate Remus at this new angle — the lean muscles that his beige long-sleeved shirt hugged pleasantly — purposefully letting his gaze linger, not subtle like Remus had been. He brought his eyes back up to Remus’ face, which wore a bemused smile. Sirius smirked back. “So where are you taking me today, Professor Lupin?”

Remus pushed himself off the wall. “Remus is fine,” he insisted, his voice sounding like he needed to clear his throat, and Sirius swore that his face had turned just a slight shade of pink. Promising. He bit on the bottom right side of his lip to suppress a smile as he waited for Remus to continue. “Let’s go to the Botticelli room in the Uffizi, unless you’re absolutely dying to see the David—”

“I already saw it this morning, I loved it,” Sirius said.

“Oh, well good. The Uffizi it is then,” Remus declared as he dropped his phone in his pocket and swayed his body to the left. Sirius followed his lead and he explained as they started walking, “It’s a half a kilometer away, right along the river. The Botticelli room is my favorite.” 

“Sounds _mesmerizing_ ,” Sirius commented, obviously tongue in cheek. Remus laughed in response, but kept his eyes trained ahead of him, shaking his head. Sirius watched his face attentively until he finally turned to meet his eye.

“You’re just a little shit, aren’t you?” Remus declared, to Sirius’ utter delight. “Gained some confidence now that you’re dry and not getting crushed by that giant backpack?”

“That helps, yes.” Sirius laughed, feeling happier by the second.

“Do you even like art?” Remus asked, looking over at Sirius.

“Sure,” Sirius answered nonchalantly, taking a couple more steps before looking at Remus to add, “I like it when you talk about it.” 

Remus laughed immediately, “Well, that’s something, I suppose.” Sirius bit his lip and gave Remus one more look before turning ahead again and taking a deep breath. He had a feeling that coming across too strong would eventually send Remus running in the other direction. 

“So tell me about Botticelli,” Sirius implored.

“You really want to know?” Remus asked skeptically.

“Yes Remus, I do,” Sirius answered, no hint of teasing in his voice anymore.

“Alright. Have you heard of Lorenzo de’ Medici?” When Sirius shook his head no, Remus continued, “He was a prominent statesman in Florence in the late 15th Century. He is now one of the most famous and influential patrons of the arts as well — he sponsored artists like da Vinci and Michaelangelo.”

“Ah, the heavy hitters,” Sirius affirmed.

“Right,” Remus said, “and Botticelli was another one of the artists sponsored by Medici. In the meantime, there was a revival of Platonic thought in Athens thanks to translations of ancient texts. The revival is referred to as ‘Neoplatonic’ thought now; the philosophers saw themselves as successors of Plato. But Neoplatonism worked to blend Plato’s philosophy with Christianity — and in this conceived reality, man was individualistic, a free agent — and spirituality was achieved through love, harmony, and beauty. Think about what that did for people’s outlook on life — becoming greater, becoming happier, was attainable. It was such a magnificent shift from the bleak outlook of the Middle Ages.”

Sirius hummed. “Very humanistic.”

Remus nodded once and continued, “Exactly, the Renaissance stressed humanism above all else — ‘man is the measure of all things’ was the philosophical basis of it all. Life didn’t have to be brutish and terrible anymore, life could be beautiful. So imagine how the art flourished. Humanity was something to be celebrated now, something powerful and good.”

“I’m guessing that Botticelli’s paintings reflected this new Neoplatonic school of thought then?” Sirius asked, “People were depicted more heroic and capable than they had been before?” 

“Yes,” Remus said, tipping his head toward Sirius as if his basic observation was impressive. His students must love him for making them feel smart, Sirius thought. Poor sods. “His most famous painting is at the Uffizi. It’s called ‘The Birth of Venus’, I’m sure you’ll recognize it.”

“Maybe,” Sirius speculated.

“Venus is naked in the painting — and beautiful, of course — standing on a giant scallop shell,” Remus describes, gesturing the shape with his hand, “There are a lot of interpretations of the painting, and it definitely has a lot of Christian nuances imbedded into it, but the overarching 15th century view is that people would have looked at the painting, appreciated the beautiful goddess Venus in it, and felt their minds lifted to the realm of ‘divine love’. The depiction of her naked form wasn’t about sex or lust, it was about how beauty and love can uplift a soul to a higher purpose.” 

Sirius responded with a few generic words of acknowledgement, hoping that he was appearing as interested in the conversation as he really was. He thought that a comment about _Remus_ uplifting his soul to a higher purpose would probably come off ridiculous, and continued to just listen instead. 

“That’s what I love the most about art, really,” Remus continued on, “You can learn so much about how views on humanity have evolved throughout history based simply on the way the artists of the time period portrayed humans. When you look at something as beautiful and inspiring as Michaelangelo’s David, you can actually feel the philosophical shift that took place after the Middle Ages. You can feel the reverence that Michaelangelo had for the human form.” Remus paused for a couple of seconds before laughing lightly, then he turned his gaze over to meet Sirius, a shy smile playing at his lips, “Or at least I can. I get goosebumps every time I go see it.”

Sirius felt his heart explode in his chest and bit the inside of his cheek to keep himself from saying anything stupid. Fuck. He tugged roughly at the hair at the base of his neck to distract himself from whatever feeling had just overtaken his entire body. 

To his relief, they had nearly made it to the museum, and therefore, the need for Sirius to be fully conversational was dissipating quickly. There were various sculptures lining the square that they walked through, which, according to Remus, was the Piazza della Signora, and it was adjacent to the Uffizi. 

“Wait. There are a bunch of sculptures just outside the buildings, then?” Sirius managed to laugh, his eyes darting around to all of the exposed artwork. 

“ _Certo, è Firenze_ , _l’arte è ovunque,_ ” Remus chimed perfectly. Of course he spoke Italian. “You’ll get used to it. Come on,” he said, then pulled Sirius by the wrist over to the building that must have been the museum. “Botticelli awaits.”


	2. A Renaissance of Sorts

“It’s just,” Remus sighed and waved his free hand towards Sirius, “ _all over_ your face. All over. I’m slightly impressed, but mostly disgusted, by how messy you are right now. It’s a damn ice cream cone, it’s not complicated!”

“First, Remus, it’s called _gelato_ here in Italy. Come on, get it right please. I thought you spoke fluent Italian?” Sirius chided. He took a bite of the top scoop before continuing in on with a mouthful, waving his own free hand at his cone, “And second, it’s very difficult to handle three different flavors at once. I have to maneuver my face quite strategically to retain the integrity of each individual flavor. So you should be more than ‘slightly impressed’ that I haven’t dropped any of it on the ground.”

“Which leads me to my next question,” Remus continued on, “Was three flavors really necessary? How can you even appreciate the individual flavors when they are competing against each other?”

Sirius threw his shoulders up and made a sound in his throat. “I couldn’t decide, Remus,” Sirius said, as if this were the most obvious thing in the world and the other man just wasn’t keeping up, “It was already nearly impossible to narrow it down to just three. You saw the place, there were like 50 different options.”

“You could have come back tomorrow,” Remus offered flatly.

Sirius made another sound that suggested this was a truly idiotic idea. “Well that’s absurd and you know it, I may want three different flavors tomorrow. Mango? Amaretto? Nutella? Who knows, Remus! Who knows what mood will strike,” Sirius said, then happily dragged his tongue along the edge of the cone as Remus wrinkled his nose at the thought of another triple serving of gelato. “Maybe you should learn a little something from me, Mr. ‘I Always Order Chocolate. Yes, Sirius, Just Plain Chocolate.’”

“I know that I love chocolate,” Remus started quickly, as if he had had this exact conversation before and was repeating it yet again, “The opportunity cost of trying another flavor and missing out on what I already know I love is too high. If I ordered something like pistachio, I’d be annoyed the whole time wishing that I was eating chocolate.” 

“That could be solved by ordering two flavors?” Sirius offered.

“Nooo,” Remus dragged the word out as if that recommendation was ridiculous, his voice indignant, “it dilutes the exquisiteness of the chocolate. Econ 101, Sirius -- scarcity equals value.”

“Oh my god,” Sirius squinted his eyes and felt his mouth morph into some sort of bewildered expression of disbelief. He stared at Remus for a while, wondering what his definition of fun had been when he was a child. Counting rocks probably. Doing his parents’ taxes. “Way to take a silly debate way too far, Professor.” Remus laughed softly and wrinkled his nose again as he watched Sirius run his tongue along the second tier of gelato, vanilla bean this time.

Remus shrugged as he threw away his empty cup and said, “When you find your soul’s match, Sirius, you need to have the sense to recognize it. Otherwise life will be a never-ending search for the next thrill.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Sirius replied in a faux pensive tone as he looked into the distance, “A life lesson brought to you by… gelato.”

“Exactly,” Remus hummed. “What are you doing for the rest of the day then?”

Sirius had decided to stay in Florence for a while; it was less of a “decision”, really, and more of a kind of Remus-induced compulsion. He didn’t explicitly tell the other man the reason he was spending more time there of course, and instead mentioned that he wanted to start staying in each city that he visited long enough to get a real feel for it. He’d been there for over a week now, and between exploring the city, visiting museums, and binging on Italian cuisine, was establishing quite an enjoyable routine.

His favorite thing to do, however, was meet up with Remus whenever he had some spare time between his work and classes. Sirius had met him back in the same cafe several times that week, pretending to do important things on his laptop as Remus wrote his research paper from across the table. They had built up an easy rapport, and Sirius knew that Remus liked his company. Sirius was hoping that he would want his company to turn into more, though.

Today they had met up for gelato before one of Remus’ appointments. Sirius had caught little things — like Remus holding his gaze for a couple of seconds too long, or his eyes lingering on Sirius’ collarbone when he was lost in thought. He just didn’t know what to do about it.

“I’m finally going to tour the Duomo with Marlene and Dorcas,” Sirius said with a grin.

“Fun,” Remus commented in approval, “I wish I could go with you but I have an appointment with a scholar here that I can’t miss.”

“I know, it’s fine,” Sirius affirmed, then took another lick to finish off his gelato and thought that perhaps three flavors was too much. But he would never give Remus the satisfaction of admitting it. “I don’t know how I’ll understand anything without your brilliant narration—“

“Oh, shove it.”

“ _\--but_ it is Marlene and Dorcas’ last day in Florence, so, you know,” Sirius said distractedly as he tried to brush a strand of hair away out of his eyes with the back of his wrist, fingers a sticky mess, “sacrifices must be made and all that.”

“Yes, you’re a humanitarian,” Remus laughed as he leaned forward to brush the strand of hair out of Sirius’ way for him, suddenly scanning Sirius’ face as if he were a painting he couldn’t get enough of. Sirius’ eyes widened as he watched Remus’ movements intently, holding his gaze for a couple seconds before he couldn’t take it anymore. 

Sirius didn’t think about it. He just felt the opportunity and couldn’t do anything but act. He leaned forward and kissed Remus firmly on the mouth, winding one arm around the man’s lower back and pulling him closer. But a second later, Sirius realized that Remus’ entire body had stilled, unresponsive.

Sirius pulled away slowly, taking a couple steps back from Remus, and sighed heavily into his hand. He rubbed his face forcefully, if only to take his thoughts off of the rejection for a couple seconds. When he lifted his gaze back up, Remus had a look of anxiety etched all over his face.

“What?” Sirius demanded, combing his hand nervously through his hair.

“I just don’t think that’s the best idea, Sirius,” Remus said slowly. 

“Why not?” Sirius demanded more forcefully. “Don’t you enjoy spending time with me?”

“Of course I do. I just don’t want,” Remus paused for a moment, and Sirius almost felt bad for how uncomfortable he looked having this conversation, “I don’t want you to read more into this than there is.”

“But there is something more,” Sirius stated definitively, frustrated by the implication that there wasn’t. Remus didn’t deny it outright, though, and instead took a deep breath and looked away as he bit down on the inside of his cheek. “Is it because I’m ten years younger than you?”

“That is a part of it, yes,” Remus articulated carefully, turning his gaze back to Sirius.

“And what’s the other part?” Sirius asked, pursing his lips as he raised his eyebrows at Remus.

“You’re backpacking around Europe right now, Sirius,” Remus started, gently, the complete lack of frustration reflected back at Sirius’ own just making it worse. “You’re trying to find yourself or something like that, right? I’m not the answer to whatever problem you ran away from.”

Sirius narrowed his eyes as he felt anger rising up inside of him at the suggestion that he was running from something, that he couldn’t handle his life, that he needed to get away from his own existence. The sting of it must have shown on his face because Remus’ face immediately softened.

Remus started, “Look, I’m sorry—”

“I know you’re attracted to me,” Sirius threw in defiantly, “Why don’t you actually take a risk for once? I bet you’ve never taken one damn risk in your entire life.”

Remus sighed as he brought up a hand to rub at his temple. He lifted his gaze up a moment later, suddenly looking exhausted. “Sirius can we talk about this later?” he said quietly, but earnestly, “I really have to go, I cannot be late to this meeting.”

“Fine. You have my number,” Sirius said brusquely as he spun and stalked away from Remus. He heard the other man release a long sigh when he turned, but he didn’t look back. He was committed to walking off the frustration and embarrassment of being so explicitly rejected and wasn’t going to stick around another second.

He headed to the Duomo where he was set to meet his two friends in 30 minutes. He was angry, but mostly he was hurt. Rejection fucking stung. Maybe Remus would text him later, maybe he wouldn’t. Sirius didn’t care. Except he did care. He really really did. 

He eventually met up with Marlene and Dorcas in the Piazza del Duomo, putting up a mask to disguise his bad mood — his day may have been ruined, but it didn’t mean that theirs needed to be as well. They walked around the Duomo and he made sure to ‘ohhh’ at the detailed fresco and ‘ahhh’ at the Tomb of Antonio D’orso, the theatrics of which actually elevated his mood a lot in the end.

The three of them walked around a small market afterwards as the two women wanted to grab some souvenirs before leaving. Marlene tried on every scarf available, eventually settling on a deep emerald one with black detailing, and Dorcas bought a dark burgundy suede journal. Sirius, completely opposed to adding anything inconsequential into his already heavy backpack, just picked up a couple postcards to send to James, who was probably already upset that he hadn’t heard from Sirius in so long.

Marlene and Dorcas made their way to dinner after that, but Sirius declined the invitation and decided that he would prefer some time alone at the apartment instead. Not particularly hungry, he took a long hot shower and got into bed at 8pm, pulling out his laptop to find some mindless show on Netflix, anything to keep his mind from spiraling into thoughts about the embarrassment of his interaction with Remus that day. Luckily, he fell asleep after an hour and slept soundly through the night.

*****

The next morning he bid a sad goodbye to Marlene and Dorcas, two women who had surprised him by becoming such great friends of his within the span of a week. He was sad to see them go, but promised to stop by and visit the south of France before heading back home. Sirius had been far more social this past week than he had been for his entire trip. But he had the apartment to himself now, and he planned on taking advantage of the solitude.

Sirius didn’t know what he was going to do that day beyond catching up on his laundry. Hell, he didn’t know what he was going to with the rest of his week. He had blown his shot with Remus and was left feeling like an idiot. Part of him felt the inexplicable need to move on to a new city. Maybe Venice? No, it was time to get out of Italy altogether. He would fly to Barcelona. 

However, another part of him, his subconscious, probably, could not bring himself to start researching flights. It was at the top of his list of things to do — his only thing to do, really — but he spent the day re-organizing his backpack, browsing Reddit, and watching trash TV instead. By 6pm, he was struck with an odd feeling. This was the first day that he had not texted Remus asking what his schedule was, when they could meet up. Sirius wondered if Remus noticed and immediately decided probably not; Sirius clearly hadn’t had the impact on Remus that he had hoped.

He wrote a postcard to James to keep his mind busy, not giving too many details but letting James know where he had been and that he was okay. He walked out to the nearest market to grab some food for a light dinner to bring back to the apartment. He got into bed early again, resolving to look at flights to Spain first thing in the morning. 

He woke the next morning, later than usual; judging by the quality of light streaming in through the window, he figured it was around 10am. He rolled out of bed and into the shower before setting up his laptop in the kitchen, eager to buy the soonest flight to Barcelona. As he started entering his flight search into the browser, his typing was interrupted by his phone buzzing. 

He grabbed his phone with lightning speed and fumbled it around in his hand to read the screen, and to his annoyance, felt his heart leap out of his chest. Remus. He opened up the message and read, “ **Meet me for an early dinner tonight?** ”

“ **Why?** ” He typed back, his breath quickening. 

**“Because I miss you.”**

**“Fine.”**

**“Ha. I’ll come by your place at 4.”**

Sirius sighed and pulled at his scalp as he tried to suppress the burst of happiness that he felt coursing through his whole being. It was embarrassing, really. He was confused and irritated by the mixed signals, but was ultimately powerless to the hope that Remus could have gotten onto a similar page as him. He sighed again and shut his laptop, deciding to put his Spain research on hold until after seeing Remus that night. 

He finished eating and decided to go for a long run to pass the time. It felt good, something he had started doing with James in university, but had neglected recently. Running through the streets of Florence was particularly lovely, as the entire city was littered with fountains and sculptures and art that he had never seen before. He grabbed lunch at a small trattoria, eating something light since his dinner plans with Remus were so early, and then grabbed an espresso at the cafe next door. He was back at the apartment by 3pm, giving him an hour before Remus would arrive. 

He took his second shower of the day, wondering when some new people would come and take Marlene and Dorcas’ room. Hopefully not for a while. He was enjoying the complete privacy too much. As he toweled off, he dug through his backpack for his favorite pair of jeans, the black ones that were the tightest pair that he owned. The ones that James claimed should be “illegal, mate, honestly, your arse is distracting even for me.” He tugged on a pale blue long sleeved tee and combed his hand through his hair. 

Sirius did some chores around the apartment until he got a text from Remus letting him know that he was outside. He grabbed his wallet and key and headed out the door, jogging down the stairs and exiting the building to find Remus standing there waiting for him.

“Hi,” Remus said as he swayed back and forth with his hands in his pockets. 

“Hi,” Sirius responded evenly.

“You look good,” he nodded at Sirius as his eyes scanned down to his shoulders and back up.

Sirius raised his eyebrows before responding stiffly, “Thanks. And don’t worry, I won’t read too much into that.” A slow amused smile crept onto Remus’ face, as if he had been hoping for the pettiness that Sirius just delivered. Remus held Sirius’ gaze for a few seconds before Sirius looked away and asked, “So where are we going?”

“Across the river. It’s a bit of a hike uphill, though. Do you think those jeans might be a little too tight?” Remus motioned to Sirius’ lower half and Sirius suppressed the smirk that was fighting to appear on his face.

“Oh, I don’t think that’s an appropriate thing to say, Remus,” he quipped as he started walking in the direction of the river. “How about you just worry about yourself?”

“Alright,” Remus said as he fell in line with Sirius. 

The two men were quiet for the ten minute walk to the river, Sirius holding back from his usual barrage of questions for the other man. 

“How was the Duomo?” Remus asked, finally breaking the silence as they reached the bridge to walk over the river. 

“It was a lovely cathedral, Remus. More art, so sublime,” Sirius responded curtly. He was beginning to wonder at what point his snide attitude would start to actually hurt his chances with the man next to him and decided to soften up a little bit. “Marlene and Dorcas said to tell you goodbye, by the way.” 

“Oh, that’s nice,” Remus supplied as he steered them towards a large set of stairs in the distance. “We’re climbing up those stairs by the way.”

“Where do they take us?” Sirius asked as he looked up the massive flight of stairs.

“The Piazzalle de Michaelango,” Remus responded, the words falling delicately off his tongue, “It’ll take us about 20 minutes to climb all the way up there, but then we’ll have a view of the entire city. It’s the prettiest view in Florence.”

“Fun,” Sirius commented sincerely, because it did sound fun, and for once had nothing to do with art, which was a nice change.

They made it to the large set of stairs and began the climb, silence settling in between the two of them again. They climbed for about ten minutes before reaching the Giardino Giapponese, a Japanese rose garden that marked the halfway point according to Remus. After another ten minutes of following the path of stairs, they reached the top. Sirius had to admit that Remus was right, it was breathtaking at the top, and definitely worth the climb. 

“I can’t believe I am only just seeing this place now,” Sirius said in awe as he leaned onto one of the stone railings and took in the entire city in front of him, “I would have been coming here every bloody day had I known it was here.” 

“I’m glad you like it,” Remus said and smiled at Sirius as he joined him at the railing, “I got us dinner reservations up here so we can watch the sunset.”

“Uh, okay,” Sirius responded, confused that the man who refused to kiss him only two days ago was now taking to him to what he assumed was the most romantic spot in the city. But he wasn’t going to question it yet. He pushed himself off the railing and turned in the opposite direction to head towards the restaurant, but was pulled back by a firm hand on his wrist. 

“Sirius, come here,” Remus said as he pulled Sirius’ body gently against his own. Sirius’ eyes widened and his breathing slowed down as he felt Remus wrap one arm firmly around his back and lifted the other to caress his face. “Can we try this again?’ he asked, running his thumb up the side of Sirius’ jaw.

“What changed?” Sirius asked shakily, his voice giving far too much away. 

“I was worried all day yesterday when I didn’t hear from you,” he hummed, and Sirius’ breath hitched as Remus leaned forward to plant a single chaste kiss at the corner of his mouth. “I kept thinking that you could leave Florence today without saying goodbye.” He moved his mouth a couple of inches to kiss the other side before pulling back to look at Sirius squarely. “And I realized how sad I would be if I didn’t get to at least kiss you properly before you left. Or tell you how wonderful that I think you are.” 

“Oh,” Sirius breathed, not doing well to disguise the effect that Remus was having on him, “Okay, then.”

“Okay?” Remus chuckled, only a couple inches in front of his face.

“Yes,” Sirius laughed again in confirmation, “Okay, okay, ok-” 

He was cut off when Remus eagerly pressed his mouth against Sirius’, parting his lips immediately. All at once, Sirius let out the breath he didn’t know he has been holding onto and reached up to wrap his hand around the back of Remus’ neck, the other grasping for his waist, drawing himself impossibly closer to the other man as if it was the only thing his body knew how to do. When Remus’ tongue slipped along Sirius’ bottom lip, Sirius’ met his in a flash, their lips settled against each other, pace almost torturously slow. Remus raked a hand slowly through Sirius’ hair to rest at the base of his head and pulled away to take in Sirius’ flushed face. But he must have thought better of it, because as soon as their eyes met, he used his other hand to tip Sirius’ chin up and pressed their lips together again from the other direction, without preamble.

And it was then that Sirius knew it for sure. He was so fucked.

Remus pulled back first, eventually, of course — he was always the one more in control when they were together. He smiled at Sirius affectionately and grabbed his hand before tugging him in the direction of the restaurant, saying something about their reservation, seemingly unphased as Sirius was practically gasping to regain his composure, dragged along like a dopey ragdoll.

A minute later they reached the crowded restaurant and were seated at an outdoor table immediately. Remus spoke Italian to the hostess as she handed each of them a menu, making her laugh in the process and also making Sirius wonder how he had randomly met the actual sexiest man on the planet. 

“That’s not even fair,” Sirius commented hoarsely as the hostess walked away.

“Hmm?” Remus asked with raised eyebrows as he looked up at Sirius and took a drink from his glass of water.

“You know what,” Sirius said, also lifting his glass of water to his lips.

“What, the Italian?” Remus clarified with a laugh and rolled his eyes when Sirius nodded in confirmation. Sirius smiled as he turned his gaze back to the view of Florence. Remus had been right, it was the perfect place and the perfect time to watch the sunset. 

“Have you been here before?” Sirius asked.

“I’ve been to the Piazzale de Michaelango too many times to count. But I’ve never been to eat up here, always wanted to though,” Remus answered.

“And you brought me with you,” Sirius said, eyebrows lifting.

“I did,” Remus confirmed as he looked at Sirius, tilting his head to the side as he must have been thinking about what to say next, “I wanted to apologize about the other day. I’m particularly sorry that I implied you were running away from something. I realized that I really don’t know that much about you, so that could have been a really shitty thing for me to say.” 

“Oh,” Sirius replied, eyes focusing on the detailing on the handle of one of the ornate silver forks at their table. He looked up quickly and continued, “Well, thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” Remus responded sincerely, waiting a moment before reaching for the smaller menu on the table. “Do you want to share a bottle of wine? I was thinking about ordering a Sangiovese from Tuscany.”

“Ah, I actually don’t drink,” Sirius admitted regretfully before tacking on quickly “but that shouldn’t stop you.”

“Are you sure?” Remus asked with interest, as if he were working to gauging Sirius’ reaction. Sirius nodded quickly in response, which must have worked because when the waitress came by the table, he ordered a glass of wine along with two or three appetizers that Sirius couldn’t keep track of.

“So was it?” Remus asked as he turned back to Sirius. The confused expression on Sirius’ face must have encouraged him to elaborate, “A really shitty thing for me to say?”

Sirius bit down on his bottom lip and looked past Remus’ head for a moment. He inhaled deeply as he re-focused on Remus’ face. “My little brother died ten months ago.” 

Remus groaned immediately in response. But instead of launching reactively into how sorry he was, as everyone else always did, he let a moment of silence pass before asking, “What happened?” 

“A heroine overdose,” Sirius started, words automatically falling out of his mouth, sort of like it wasn’t him talking, “He was 21 and living at home while going to university. My parents found him dead in his room.”

Remus sighed gently and closed his eyes a moment. He opened them again and asked Sirius, “Did you know that he was into drugs? Or was it a surprise?”

“That’s the worst part, I guess. I knew firsthand what he was doing. I hate to admit this to you, but there were a lot of nights I was doing that kind of thing with him. Never heroine, but almost everything else. We were bloody idiots,” Sirius said.

“But why?” Remus replied, that shallow line appearing between his brows now, “What would push you both to get into that sort of thing? There must have been something more going on.”

Sirius rested his forearms on the table. “My mother has been an alcoholic for as long as I can remember,” Sirius started, eyes drifting to rest on Remus’ shoulder, “A very angry alcoholic. My father worked all the time, and I mean _all the time_ , I only ever knew he was home when I would hear him and my mother screaming at each other.” He took a breath and looked back at Remus’ face, “He’d carry on with other women and drove my mom even crazier as she was stuck in the house with me and Regulus. When she was really angry, she would get physically abusive to us.”

The line between Remus’ brows deepened. “Did anybody know?” he asked softly.

“James figured it out eventually,” Sirius said, and nodded once, “You can only make excuses about cuts and bruises for so long.” 

“So when did you get out?” Remus asked, also leaning forward to rest his forearms on the table, mirroring Sirius.

“James wanted me to move out when I was 16, come and live with his family. But I couldn’t leave Regulus yet, so I stuck around until I was 18 when James and I started at university. By then Regulus was big enough to stop my mother; plus, she was always much less violent with him. I begged him to live with me once he turned 18, but he promised that nothing was happening anymore and it would break her heart if he left,” Sirius explained, then sighed heavily through his nose, sharp like a dart and bitter, “He always cared about her too much.”

Sirius looked out and scanned the view of Florence without really seeing it. He continued after a beat, “I think that’s what pushed him to get involved in drugs, shouldering that responsibility. Trying to make somebody happy who had created her own personal hell. I don’t think he ever really got to live his own life.”

Remus hadn’t taken his his eyes off of Sirius’ face. “What was he like?”

Sirius broke out into a sad smile at that question. “He was so fucking smart, so logical. He was a fairly quiet kid but had a penchant for debate — he could argue about any topic and win. And he had the weirdest, most morbid sense of humor,” he said, laughing through his teeth, “I guess that’s what happens when you grow up like we did.” Sirius took a deep breath and continued, smile sobering now as the joy of remembering Regulus always seemed to morph into pain so fast. “But he was miserable inside, probably in a way I wasn’t because he never expressed it, never got angry, never told anybody.” 

A moment passed, then Sirius clamped his eyes shut, willing the sudden sting behind his eyes to disappear, frustrated that he still couldn't think about his brother without losing it. He continued after a few seconds, “I feel like I could have done so much more. Forced him to stop being an idiot, forced him out of that house,” opening his eyes again and finishing slowly as if the words cut him, “I don’t think I’ll ever forgive myself for failing him.”

Remus leaned forward another inch. “But you’ve got to know that wasn’t your fault right?” he asked.

“I know it wasn’t my _fault_ ,” Sirius almost snapped, but reminded himself that Remus wasn’t the enemy here and toned down his voice. “But,” he took a deep breath, steeling himself against what he was about to say, and continued, “If I had done some things differently he wouldn’t be dead. I know that much. I stupidly assumed that because he said he was fine, he was fine. I ignored the fact that he was getting into the hardest drugs— I thought it a phase or something. I was such an idiot.”

“I’m sorry, Sirius,” Remus said softly, “I can’t imagine what that must feel like. But I hope you find a way to make peace with it. I don’t know how someone could get over the sadness of having someone you love die like that, but you don’t deserve to feel regret about it for the rest of your life,” Remus finished, and the words threatened to lull him into comfort until Sirius caught himself.

“Unlikely,” Sirius mumbled right before the waitress came back with the various appetizers that Remus had ordered for them. She took their dinner orders before leaving them to sit in silence for a minute until Sirius started talking again. “But that’s why I don’t drink. Or do any sort of drugs anymore. When you have an alcoholic mother and a brother who overdosed, it kind of loses its luster.”

“You’re sure it doesn’t bother you if I drink?” Remus asked again.

“Yeah, I’m positive,” Sirius waved him off, “It’s specifically the mixture of intoxicants with Black genes that I’m against. Not people drinking recreationally,” Sirius laughed darkly. “I want you to enjoy yourself, even despite this shit conversation.” 

“I am!” Remus assured quickly, “I like getting to know more about you, don’t feel like you have to hold anything back from me.” He reached across the table to take hold of Sirius’ hand, using his thumb to gently massage his palm. “What are things like with your parents now?”

Sirius’ eyes lifted from their hands. “Terrible,” Sirius emphasized, but with a smile. It was almost comically bad how messed up his personal life was, “I’ve not been quiet about letting them know who I think is completely to blame for Regulus’ death. I could have stopped it, but they caused it. Up until Reg died, I stayed silent and somewhat obedient, thinking that I could benefit from the financial support they gave me through university and eventually medical school. But Reg died because of them, so they are fucking dead to me now. No amount of money could change that.” 

“And that’s why medical school is on hold?” Remus asked.

“Yes,” Sirius confirmed, “I can’t afford it.” He laughed lightly and added, “Also, I’m an emotional wreck now too.”

“No you’re not,” Remus responded with conviction, rubbing his thumb along Sirius’ palm again, “you’re allowed to be sad, to feel lost, when you lose your fucking brother. It doesn’t mean anything is wrong with you.” 

“Maybe,” Sirius muttered.

“Not ‘maybe’,” Remus said, shaking his head deliberately, “It’s normal. Cut yourself some slack. Give yourself more time to heal and then you’ll be able to figure out how to afford medical school.”

Sirius sighed through his nose and said, “You make it sound so simple.” 

“People do it all the time, Sirius. It is simple,” he said, lifting his shoulder up and dropping it back down in emphasis. “Healing from your brother’s passing isn’t, though. So you have to worry about that first, but you’re going to have to stop being so hard on yourself.”

“I don’t know how to do that,” Sirius admitted quietly, thinking that he should probably start to eat something even though his appetite was nonexistent right now. He dropped his napkin on his lap and reached for a piece of the bruschetta. 

“Your life isn’t always going to be like this. You won’t feel this way forever,” Remus stated with deep conviction again, “And one day you’ll be happy again, and you’ll appreciate it even more because you’ll know what it’s like to feel lower than you ever thought possible.” 

“I hope so,” Sirius offered.

“You will. I promise,” Remus said, sitting back in his chair now.

“Are you speaking from personal experience?” Sirius asked, one eyebrow lifting.

Remus nodded but didn’t elaborate. Always a mystery. “Most peoples’ 20s are terrible, mine certainly were. Nowhere close to what you’re going through, Sirius. But you’re smart and you’re so engaging, so it’s going to shape who you become and give you a depth that most people will never have. Then one day you’ll be able to help other people through their darkest times. ”

“How do you know?” Sirius asked.

Remus smiled slowly. “Because I’m older than you.” 

Sirius snorted and rolled his eyes. Feeling his appetite coming back, he used his fork to put a corner of the tuna tartar on his plate. “You’re very optimistic.” 

“You should be too,” Remus smiled effortlessly, as if half of the worries that had been haunting Sirius could just dissolve away, “Nothing will ever take away the pain of losing your brother, but it will get easier. Life has great times and it has shitty times. Neither lasts forever, so you just have to suffer through the low times and enjoy the high times as much as you can.”

Sirius nodded quietly as he took in this perspective that he had never heard before. The two men remained quiet as they finished off the appetizers and the waitress brought their entrees. 

“So can we talk about something other than my sordid past now?” Sirius asked as she walked away and Remus began lifting a bite of broccoli to his mouth. 

“Whatever you want,” Remus supplied as Sirius took a drink of water, gearing up.

“When did you lose your virginity?” he asked immediately.

Remus stopped chewing and stilled all his movements for a moment as he stared at Sirius in disbelief. “Really?” He asked, his mouth still full.

“Oh, come off it,” Sirius said through a smirk. Finally, for the first time that night, Remus looked as if he had been caught off guard. “You’ve had me on edge this entire day and you owe me.” 

Remus rolled his eyes and swallowed. He eyed Sirius dubiously and took another sip of wine before answering, “Twenty-two.”

Sirius raised his eyebrows in surprise, lowering the forkful of sea bass he had almost lifted to his lips. “So late!”

“I was a late bloomer,” Remus observed as he lifted a bite of veal to his mouth. Sirius felt a massive smile blossom onto his face.

Sirius’ eye’s flashed as he asked, “What were you like?”

“Gangly,” Remus responded shortly, and Sirius shot him a bemused look that must have worked because after a deep sigh, he continued on, “My parents didn’t have a lot of money growing up, so I was always in old, ill-fitting clothes. All of my jumpers had holes in them. And then I hit a growth spurt when I was 13 -- I was 6’2” by the time I was 15 and most of trousers were slightly too short for me.”

“Oh my god, you were so adorable, I know it,” Sirius chimed happily, picturing a younger, awkward Remus who was probably reading at coffee shops all the time.

“Maybe,” Remus laughed, “but I certainly didn’t feel it. So my romantic life was nonexistent until I grew into myself in grad school.”

“I should have known,” Sirius quipped and was met by the confused look he had been hoping for. “Plain chocolate.”

Remus leaned back into his chair and laughed, bringing his second glass of wine with him, watching Sirius with a sly smile and intrigued eyes. He decided to stay silent, a little to Sirius’ disappointment, and didn’t take the bait.

“I wasn’t like that,” Sirius offered as he leaned forward, placing his forearms on the edge of the table.

“I know,” Remus said, not moving from his current position.

“No,” Sirius clarified firmly, refusing to break eye contact, “You don’t _know_ anything about it.”

Remus lolled his head to the side and said, “Well I had an inkling.”

“Oh,” Sirius smiled as he leaned back into his chair, mirroring Remus now, “Well I’m pleased to hear that you have thought about it.” Remus stayed quiet but grew a smile identical to Sirius’. Sirius wished he had some idea what was going on inside the other man’s head, but knew that there was only so much that Remus would let him in on.

The rest of dinner passed quickly as they moved on to lighter conversations ranging from favorite movies to most disgusting foods. When they had finished, Remus picked up the check and they began their walk back to downtown Florence.


	3. A Grecian Getaway

Another two weeks passed in Florence. A week of meeting with Remus at cafes and walking around Florence and ultimately feeling like he was making zero progress with the man ever since they had gone to dinner. Two steps forward, one step back. 

Remus had been eager to hang out with him, but as usual, Sirius felt like there was something unspoken keeping them in a holding pattern. Although their connection was depending, there was that _something_ that caused Remus to keep Sirius at arm’s length, and it was getting frustrating. He needed to break through the barrier.

“ **Can I come over?** ” Sirius texted Remus. 

It was 8pm and he was lying on his bed, fully clothed, not ready to turn in for the night. Although Sirius knew the general area where Remus lived, Remus still hadn’t even given Sirius his address, which was probably smart of him because Sirius would have been over there at that very moment knocking on his door uninvited. He stared at his ceiling for a minute before his phone pinged with a response. 

“ **Ugh, I wish, but I have a deadline. Sorry! Lunch tomorrow though?** ”

Sirius groaned defeatedly and tossed his phone onto the bed with a loud thud. He was tired of lunch, he was tired of meeting in public. He was tired of the sexual tension that was only worsened by the sporadic innocent kissing that didn’t go anywhere. He had to get Remus alone. More importantly, he had to get Remus out of his own head, and that might require a change of scenery. 

The next day, Sirius met Remus for a late lunch next to their favorite cafe. Remus kissed him in greeting before they picked up a couple sandwiches and coffees and sat outside, a routine that had become far too familiar for Sirius by now. 

“What have you been up to today?” Remus asked predictably. Sirius rolled his eyes as he made the decision to steer the conversation elsewhere.

“Nothing much,” he said, “So what are you doing this weekend?”

“Just catching up on work, the usual,” Remus supplied as he took a drink of coffee.

“But you don’t have any meetings or classes on the weekend right?” Sirius asked, eyes darting up from the sandwich he was unwrapping to look squarely at Remus.

“That’s right,” Remus answered slowly, unsure where Sirius was going with this, “Why?”

“Let’s take a weekend trip,” Sirius said, dusting his hands off, and still looking squarely at Remus. He wasn’t getting out of this one. “Get out of Italy. I know I’ve only been here three weeks, but I can already tell that you never take time away for yourself.”

“Ah, what a selfless request,” Remus responded tongue in cheek. 

Sirius snorted, “You know it’s not.” Remus remained quiet, which was a good sign, Sirius thought. He wasn’t turning it down right away as Sirius feared that he would. “How long have you been in Florence now?”

“Four months,” Remus replied.

Sirius tilted his head and asked, “And have you left the city at all?”

“No,” Remus admitted and Sirius raised his eyebrows in a way he hoped looked judgmental, “Hey, don’t give me that look, it’s my favorite city in the world and I am only here temporarily.”

“Remus, I have a difficult time accepting that argument when we are talking about _gelato_. But it absolutely does not apply when we are talking about visiting different cities of the world for three days tops,” Sirius chided, the corner of his mouth crooking up.

Remus wrinkled his nose in thought while holding Sirius’ eye contact and then breathed out a laugh through his nose, “That’s fair.” Sirius held back the shriek of victory that had built up in his throat and smiled brightly instead. “Where were you thinking?”

“Greece!” Sirius blurted out excitedly, “but not the historic/artsy part of Greece, we get enough of that here. Let’s go to Santorini. I already checked and there are nonstop flights out of Florence straight to the island. It’ll be so easy, we won’t even need to take a ferry. Minimal travel time, maximum Santorini time.” 

“Santorini,” Remus repeated lightly, and he looked as if he were mulling it over, “and what would you like to do there?” he asked skeptically, probably knowing full well what Sirius really wanted to do with him in one of the most romantic settings in the world.

“Walk around, eat fresh seafood, enjoy the picturesque views, frolic around the beach,” Sirius answered airily, tilting his head from side to side with each activity named, as if he hadn’t already completely planned this out.

“I’m very pale,” Remus said shortly, pausing Sirius’ train of thought to send him another bewildered expression of disbelief. Sirius wondered if he had complained about Christmas morning when he was a child because he had to wake up early.

“Um hi, I would ask if you have ever seen me before, but that would be redundant because I catch you staring all the time,” Sirius answered and paused to appreciate the _almost_ imperciptible blush creeping onto Remus’ face before jumping back in, “Okay, we are going. I’ve made the decision for us. I’ll pay for the Airbnb if you just cover your flight. It’s about 300 euros round trip if we leave Friday afternoon. Does that work?”

“Alright,” Remus nodded and Sirius gasped in joy at the wonderful, albeit unenthusiastic, acceptance. Sirius grabbed him immediately and pulled him close to plant a kiss on his cheek. “But I am going to have to bring some of my books,” Remus said firmly before shifting his body to face Sirius.

“Remus, I’d be disappointed if you didn’t,” he responded matter-of-factly. Remus laughed as he placed a hand along Sirius’ jaw and pulled him into a soft, appreciative kiss, one that Sirius smiled into because he knew that soon it was going to lead to something more.

*****

The next three days passed quickly for Sirius, who was moving around the city with a renewed glow. He had arranged the entire trip, from a list of restaurants he wanted to try to booking a perfectly quaint cliffside villa with its own private balcony. There were even some ruins from prehistoric towns on the island that Sirius wrote down the information for in case Remus was really itching to do something educational. 

Before he knew it, he and Remus were boarding the two hour flight to Santorini, Sirius carrying his now-trademark giant backpack, and Remus holding a simple dufflebag. Remus spent the plane ride ‘getting caught up’ on some edits while Sirius stayed quiet by catching up on comedy podcasts. He hoped that the two hours of working would give Remus the peace of mind to actually enjoy their time together later. 

They landed in Santorini at about 7pm and took a bus from the airport to Oia, the coastal town where their Airbnb was situated. Sirius was practically bouncing in his seat when the scenery started to resemble what he had always seen in pictures of Santorini -- white structures with blue roofs settled onto a dramatic cliff overlooking the vast blue ocean. He caught Remus smiling at his excitement and Sirius grabbed onto his hand for the remainder of the bus ride. 

The walk from the bus stop to the Airbnb was short, about half a kilometer, but steep. The view was as astonishing as Sirius had hoped it would, especially with the sun setting directly above the ocean. Deep orange and pink hues reflected off of the pure blue ocean and it couldn’t possibly have been more picturesque. 

When they reached their door, Sirius stuck the key into the lock and opened the door into the villa. It was minimal and intimate, only a bedroom, kitchenette, bathroom and balcony which overlooked the ocean below. It was perfect, well worth the money he had spent on it. He walked in happily, dropping his backpack into a corner next to the bed.

“Do you like it?” Sirius asked proudly with his hands splayed, turning back to look at Remus who wore a guarded look on his face.

“It’s very,” Remus started, slowly turning his head to take in the room, “small.” 

Sirius’ eyes fluttered around the room and he nodded. “Right,” Sirius commented evenly, figuring it was actually better not to address what was going through the other man’s head. “I’m going to take a shower now,” he tossed over his shoulder in a chipper voice as he walked away.

Sirius entered the bathroom and closed the door, leaning his body against it. He let out a sigh of frustration, once again feeling that fucking wall Remus had put up between them. Sirius could not understand why it was such a struggle for him to acknowledge that there was something spectacular between them.

But at least Sirius had gotten Remus to Greece — he was getting somewhere.

He pushed himself off the door and turned the shower on, undressing as the water heated. He took his time, having decided that Remus may benefit by having a few minutes to adjust in private. If Remus was still acting touchy about being alone in the room with him, they could at least go exploring Santorini.

Fifteen minutes later, Sirius turned the water off and grabbed the nearest towel. He was keen to waste a little more time, so he started poking around the cabinets — bath salts, conditioner, lotion, more shampoo, extra sheets. Extra sheets? As his eyes fell back to the stack of them, an idea popped into his mind and he smiled brightly. He and James had mastered the toga costume while they were in university, and he had always known it would come in handy one day.

He toweled off his hair so that it was only a little damp and grabbed one of the sheets, wrapping it expertly around his body in less than a minute. Most of his chest was still exposed with only a diagonal stripe of white covering it, and the rest of the sheet draped over the lower half of his body from where he had wrapped it along his hip bones. It was perfect.

Pulling the bathroom door open slowly, Sirius poked his head out to find that Remus was sitting on the balcony, reading one of his many books. Remus, seemingly engrossed in the text in front of him, didn’t look up as Sirius crossed the room to lean against the open sliding door.

“I’m ready to go explore Greece now,” he said, draping his arm against the glass and dramatically lolling his head to the side.

Remus looked up and immediately threw his head back with laughter, shutting his textbook hard as his body shook. “Oh my gosh, come here,” he said with exasperation and held out his arms to Sirius.

Sirius acquiesced, taking a couple of steps closer and sitting down on Remus’ lap. Remus’ arms immediately encircled him, and his hands landed on the bare skin of his lower back and pulled him close.

“You know, you don’t have to be so distant with me,” Sirius said, brushing some of Remus’ hair to the side of his face before resting his arms around his neck. “You’re always so guarded. It’s okay to just be here with me in the moment.”

“Is it now?” Remus asked, tipping his head to look up more squarely at Sirius.

Sirius nodded. “I’m not going to break. I don’t know what you’re worried about.” 

Remus hummed in thought, resting his face in the crook of Sirius’ exposed neck. “You smell so good,” he said, his breath warming the sensitive skin at Sirius’ pulse point. Sirius felt his breath hitch, and he melted a little more into Remus when he felt his hands begin rubbing circles into his lower back.

Sirius wasn’t sure how much time had passed before he heard himself whisper, “Remus, I just want to be with you.”

Remus didn’t respond right away, instead sighing through his nose as his right hand made its way below the sheet and onto Sirius’ hipbone. “I think that’s what I’m worried about,” he admitted, gently caressing Sirius’ skin, “I don’t want to be what keeps you from pursuing your own life. I don’t want you to hold yourself back because of anyone.”

“Remus,” Sirius started with a breathy laugh, torn between sinking into Remus’ touch and effectively addressing what he had just said, “I felt dead after my brother died. I have been completely numb for the last ten months, until I met you. You are so passionate and full of life. It’s ridiculous to think that you have done anything but inspire me — you make me want to actually live again.”

Remus didn’t respond verbally, but Sirius could sense by the stronger grasp of his hands that his concerns had been quelled for the moment. He leaned down slightly to brush his lips along Sirius’ collarbone, pausing to kiss slowly along the crook of his still-damp neck, setting Sirius’ nerves on fire. When Remus’ right hand moved to skim along his lower abdomen, he couldn’t suppress the low moan that escaped his lips.

That must have done something to Remus, because a second later, he stood up with Sirius and carried him the short distance to the bed. He dropped Sirius down softly and kissed him before pulling his own t-shirt over his head. Sirius watched him and crawled further back on the bed using his forearms.

“Please take that ridiculous thing off,” Remus directed blithely as he moved to unbutton his shorts.

Sirius, suddenly feeling extremely self-conscious, moved slowly to unwrap his makeshift toga. He felt his body heat up as he pulled the strip of sheet off of his shoulder. As usual, Sirius felt dreadfully out of his element in the presence of this other man.

Remus must have sensed his discomfort because once he had pulled off the rest of his clothes, he crawled across the bed toward him; he stopped when he was perched above Sirius, one forearm resting at the side of his head.

“Oh, _now_ you’re going to get shy on me?” He smiled down at Sirius, affectionately pushing a lock of hair out of his face and letting his fingertips drape along Sirius’ jawline.

“Sorry,” Sirius breathed hoarsely, “you really do something to me, I’m just out of my element here.” Remus furrowed his eyebrows in concern as he rubbed his thumb across Sirius’ cheek, leading him to immediately follow with, “But I’m in heaven, trust me.”

Remus smiled and responded immediately, kissing Sirius firmly while dragging his free hand slowly down his sternum. Sirius’ chest heaved as he arched into the touch, his breath quickening rapidly as the hand moved to untie the sheet and pull it away from Sirius’ body.

Sirius deepened the kiss, one hand grabbing the hair at the nape of Remus’ neck and the other hungrily running up and down the side of his torso. Remus must have had other plans, however, because he pulled back a few seconds later and began kissing a trail down Sirius’ chest until he was situated between Sirius’ slightly bent legs.

Remus leaned forward to grab a pillow and motioned for Sirius to lift up his hips before sliding it underneath his lower back. Remus repositioned himself between Sirius’ legs and grabbed his left ankle, forcing his left knee to bend outward and exposing him completely. He kissed his calf before resting Sirius’ ankle against his right hip. Sirius watched as his eyes drank him in, starting at his face and moving down to settle on a place that made Sirius’ entire body flush. He had never been looked at with such intensity before.

“You’re so fucking gorgeous,” Remus exhaled, still not averting his gaze as his free hand began to trace from Sirius’ navel down to the hardened length of his cock, his hips involuntarily twitching in response. Remus smiled, but still didn’t lift his eyes up to meet Sirius’, “and responsive, too.” Sirius bit down hard on his lip, as if that might keep him from exploding.

Remus’ hand moved even lower now, lightly kneading the right side of his arse as Sirius began to relax a little more. His thumb moved to the center, barely skimming a thumb over Sirius’ entrance, teasing him, taking his time before rubbing around in a circle, firmer now, and then finally over it again. His eyelids got heavier as he watched himself explore Sirius’ body, biting down on his own lip as well.

Remus continued this pattern until Sirius’ breathing was so heavy that it sounded like he had just run sprints. He didn’t have the wherewithal to care though – it was those fucking hands. Maybe it was partially the sensation, but mostly, it was the sheer intimacy that was sending him over the edge.

“ _Remus_ ,” Sirius heard himself cry helplessly, “I need you to fuck me.”

Remus’ hand halted its movements, and Sirius opened his eyes to see that Remus was reaching back behind him to grab a condom and the bottle of lube he must have placed there while he had undressed. Sirius watched with rapt attention as Remus opened the condom and began stretching it over himself, his ankle still held up against Remus’ hip.

“Don’t you dare move,” Remus ordered. Sirius looked back up to his face and was met with eye contact so piercing that he figured the other man must be picking up on every little thing that he was feeling.

“Remus, do you really think I could fucking move right now even if I wanted to?” Sirius huffed, nearly paralyzed by the intensity of it all.

Remus grinned and crawled back over to him, throwing Sirius’ left leg around his back now. “I guess not,” he mumbled against Sirius’ lips, and Sirius gasped into his mouth a second later when a lubed finger was pushed inside of him.

They stayed like this for what must have been ten minutes, Remus taking his time to gently stretch Sirius open — taking his time to find that place inside of Sirius that made him cry out and roughly tug at Remus’ hair. When Remus finally began to push himself inside of Sirius, they both moaned various expletives into each other’s mouths between hot, languid kisses.

Remus hitched Sirius’ leg up higher, opening him up more as he sheathed himself fully inside of Sirius. There was a level of pain to it, as there always was. But there was also something new, and Sirius didn’t expect to feel the flood of emotions that immediately overtook him as Remus began to move inside of him. It was as if the euphoria of making it to this moment with Remus, which he had so desperately been yearning for, had unleashed the ten months of emotion he had buried as well.

“Sirius, are you alright?” Remus asked breathily as he slowed his hips to a halt and suddenly brought a hand up to caress his cheek. He felt a wetness drip down his temple and realized that there were tears on his face.

“No no no,” Sirius panted frantically and he pushed himself up on his elbows, “I mean, yes, I’m alright. It’s so good, I don’t know why this is happening.”

Remus pulled back slightly to look at Sirius, his eyes searching his face with a depth of care that made his breath hitch. In a swift movement, he wrapped his arms tightly around Sirius’ back, then sat back on his heels while pulling him flush against his chest. He swung his legs out in front of him, bent at the knee, while Sirius wrapped his own around Remus’ waist.

“Is this alright, baby?” Remus breathed into his ear, slowing rocking in and out of him.

“It’s perfect,” Sirius barely managed to moan. And it was perfect. As Remus started to quicken his thrusts, his cock nudged against Sirius prostate with every fluid snap of his hips. Sirius wrapped his arms around Remus’ neck in response, using the leverage to push back against Remus, intensifying every press inside of him in a perfect rhythm that Sirius could not believe came so naturally to them. 

They moved together for who knows how long, Sirius was unable to track time as both his body and mind were totally engrossed in the feeling of Remus — listening for every noise that slipped from his mouth when he thrust a little deeper, feeling the glide of his cock as he pushed himself in and out of Sirius again and again, seeing the look of unguarded bliss on a face that was always so composed — every little thing was building up for his eventual release. When Remus reached between the two of them and finally touched Sirius, it only took a few strokes before warm liquid was coating Sirius stomach and he was screaming out Remus’ name. 

Remus followed immediately after, pulling Sirius roughly against him as he rode out his own orgasm. He breathed heavily into Sirius’ mouth, muttering his name over and over, and Sirius kissed him through it. Sirius leaned his forehead against Remus’ as he waited for their breathing to settle down, feeling more connected to another human being than he ever had before. 

Eventually, Sirius unwrapped his legs and pulled himself off of Remus, moving back to lie on the now-rumpled bed. Remus got up to throw the condom away and passed Sirius his former-toga to clean himself off with. He crawled back onto the bed, laid down on his back, and pulled Sirius on top of him so that his head rested on top of his chest. 

“How was it?” Remus asked as he lightly drew shapes onto Sirius’ back.

“It was incredible,” Sirius spoke evenly, his voice giving away how exhausted he felt. “I have never felt anything like that.”

“I was a little bit worried about you there,” Remus admitted before he placed a firm kiss on the top of Sirius’ head, “Are you sure you’re alright?” 

“Yeah. I just, uh,” Sirius pushed himself further up Remus’ body and laid his head down on the pillow so that they were eye-level to each other, “I guess I just haven’t felt anything that intense in a really long time, or maybe ever. And I think it must have brought out some pent up feelings all at once. I hope I didn’t ruin anything for you.” 

“Don’t be ridiculous, it was unbelievable,” Remus whispered as he brushed his lips gently against Sirius’, “but I am glad you weren’t crying because the sex was bad.” 

Sirius snorted, “I can barely move because the sex was so amazing. I feel like all of my blood has been drained from my body.”

“Good,” he responded with the cutest laugh Sirius had ever heard. He added, hand moving to comb through Sirius’ hair, “Go to sleep. We’ll walk around and grab something to eat when you wake up.” 

*****

It turned out that when Sirius finally did wake back up, it wasn’t until the next morning and light had just started to stream into the room. Remus must have opened up the balcony door at some point because Sirius could feel a cool breeze coming into the room, providing perfect contrast to the warmth of the man behind him. 

Remus was pressed against his back, arms wrapped fully around Sirius’ body and a leg tangled between the two of his. Sirius could feel his even breathing against the crook of his neck and the rise and fall of his chest. He sighed with contentment — this is exactly what he had had in mind when he booked this trip — waking up naked next to Remus after a satisfying night that had left him exhausted. 

As much as he was enjoying just lying there as the sun began to rise, he was also already aroused by the knowledge that Remus was directly behind, and, conveniently already in the perfect position. He began barely wiggling his arse, not aggressively, but more like ‘oh, I just woke up and am gently stirring’. A sound strategy, because it only took about a minute before he felt Remus harden behind him and his right hand trail from around Sirius’ waist down to knead his arse. 

Sirius’ eyelids became heavy as they continued these small movements, both of them taking their time as they began to wake up. 

“Are you sore?” Remus asked hoarsely against Sirius’ ear. 

“Only a little,” Sirius whispered as he elongated his neck so allow Remus access to his throat.

“Good,” Remus mumbled in a deep voice between slow biting kisses against Sirius’ throat. He lifted his hand off of Sirius to reach back behind him for the lube on the nightstand. A second later, his hand was gliding back to Sirius’ arse and slowly beginning to tease him open.

“I love your hands,” Sirius nearly whined as he pushed back against Remus. 

“I love your arse,” Remus growled as he pushed two fingers in, biting down on his neck when Sirius cried out, “and I love the sounds that you make when I touch you.”

Sirius huffed out another breath as he melted into the man behind him, the man who was in total control at the moment, turning Sirius into whimpering mess of limbs once again. They went quicker this time, a nice change of pace from the slow exploration of the night before. Plus, Sirius didn’t need nearly as long to be stretched back open. 

Remus used the arm underneath Sirius to pull him impossibly closer against his chest, walking the perfect line between rough and sensuous, before entering him slowly. He stilled for a while as he let Sirius adjust to the intrusion, and used that time to hook Sirius’ top leg under his free arm to bend it upwards. With another kiss to his jaw, Remus began sliding in and out of Sirius, masterfully maneuvering Sirius’ body as if he were a ragdoll and Remus knew exactly how to handle him to intensify every single sensation. 

Between Remus’ cock beating against his prostate, and Remus’ demand that Sirius begin to touch himself, neither man lasted much longer. This time, it was Remus’ hoarse moan of Sirius’ name that ultimately sent Sirius over the edge only seconds later. 

Remus unhooked Sirius’ leg and moved his arm back and around Sirius’ waist, maintaining a tight hold on him while he nuzzled into the crook of Sirius’ neck as they both caught their breaths. A couple of minutes later, Sirius felt Remus stir as he began to pull out.

“I have no limbs,” Sirius whispered as he fell flat onto his back and Remus moved off the bed to dispose of the condom. Remus laughed softly in response and leaned over to move Sirius’ hair off of his sweaty face before kissing him firmly on the mouth.

“Stay here and wake up. I’m going to take a shower.” Remus said over his shoulder as he made his way to the bathroom.

“Just, you know… have fun. Don’t slip,” Sirius mumbled and barely registered the sound of laughter before shutting his eyes and dozing off again. 

He regained consciousness in what must have been a short time later by a hand gently pushing on his shoulder and Remus’ now fully alert voice, “Sirius, you’re very cute and very alluring in bed like that. But I know you have something planned that you wanted to do today so you need to get up and shower.” Sirius sighed pleasantly in response as he opened his eyes and looked at Remus with a satisfied smile, who sent him a similar smile back.

“Remus?” Sirius asked as he lazily propped himself up onto his forearms, placed his head in his hands, and bent his knees so that his feet were floating in the air.

“Hmm?” Remus responded as he pulled a plain blue t-shirt over his head. 

“If you had to grade my arse, what would you grade it?” 

“Oh my god,” Remus laughed through his breath, “I shouldn’t even be surprised you just asked that but somehow I am.”

“Because I would grade you an A for everything,” Sirius continued unphased. 

“Okay, get up. Shower time,” Remus laughed again, moving over to the bed to pull Sirius out of it and onto his feet. He stood behind Sirius, placed his hands on his hips, and began walking him towards the bathroom.

“A for your hands, A for your cock, A for your stamina,” Sirius resumed as Remus pushed him through the bathroom door and reached around him to turn on the shower. “A for overall sexual prowess,” Sirius concluded with conviction.

Remus leaned down to place a final kiss at Sirius’ pulse point, and Sirius could feel Remus smile against his neck right before he smacked Sirius on the right side of his arse and whispered, “Of course your arse is an A. Now shower.”

Sirius smiled brightly and stepped into the shower as Remus left the bathroom and closed the door on his way out. After ten minutes, Sirius emerged from the bathroom, fully awake now with a towel around his waist.

“You need to put on swim trunks!” he informed Remus happily as he dug through his own backpack for the pair he had purchased in Florence two days before. “I mean the first thing we are going to do is find breakfast — I’m starving since we skipped dinner last night. But you’ll need them after that so you might as well put them on now.”

“We will find you breakfast,” Remus confirmed as he pulled a pair of dark green swim trunks out of his duffle bag and moved to the bathroom to change into them. “Are you going to tell me what we are doing?” He called through the open door.

“There’s a trail super close to us that will take us down to Amoudi Bay. Oh, its super steep with a lot of stairs that are apparently littered with donkey shit, so don’t wear sandals,” Sirius added as he pulled his swim trunks on and tossed his towel to the side.

“Noted,” Remus responded as he exited the bathroom and sat down on the bed to pull on a pair of socks.

“It’s really beautiful with a lot of little restaurants with fresh seafood. And there is great access to the ocean if we want to swim, which yes Remus, we do want to swim—“

“I never said I didn’t want to—“

“—we are on a Grecian island, of course we are going to swim,” Sirius plowed on matter of factly as he pulled a white t-shirt on and grabbed his shoes. “And we are doing something else but it’s a surprise.”

Remus smiled slowly as he grabbed a credit card and some cash out of his wallet and waited for Sirius at the door. “Well let’s go then.”

Sirius tied his shoes, zipped the key to the villa into his pocket, and stood up. He pecked Remus on the lips before walking outside to explore Amoudi Bay.

*****

After climbing down the steeper-than-expected trail to Amoudi Bay, they ended up grabbing a large breakfast of omelets and waffles at one of the tiny restaurants situated directly the water. Thinking it was probably a good idea to digest their food for a while before heading into the ocean, Sirius led Remus next to a bookstore that he had discovered online while he had researched their trip. 

The store was called Atlantis books and, according to Yelp, looked like a magical mix between the Lord of the Rings and Winnie the Pooh on the outside, with an incredible selection of books on the inside.

The Yelp reviews didn’t lie, and Remus looked at Sirius as if he had just gotten the greatest Christmas present of his life when they walked into the store. The bottom floor of the store had brand new books while the top floor housed valuable used books. The walls were lined with quirky artwork and quotes in English from well-renowned authors. 

Remus gawked at the first edition copy of The Hobbit for 5000 euros, but ultimately settled on buying a book on Greek philosophy and another on Greek mythology. Sirius suggested that he leave his newly purchased books, along with their phones, with the cashier at the front until they decided to head back up to Oia, not wanting to risk that they get lost or wet.

“Best bookstore ever,” Remus announced happily when they finally left after about two hours of browsing, “Was that the surprise?”

“Nope,” Sirius answered with a smirk that led Remus to chuckle, “that’s where we are going now.”

“Well, lead the way,” Remus gestured. 

And Sirius did. He led them up a short path that took them to the top of a cliff along the bay. When they reached the top, he pulled his t-shirt over his head and smiled at Remus excitedly in only his bright red swim shorts.

“Cliff-jumping!” he shrieked.

“Oh!” Remus said quickly as he walked to the edge of the cliff to look down, “Is it safe?”

“People do it all the time. It’s not like the water isn’t deep enough. Just make sure to jump forward,” Sirius responded nonchalantly, “Now, remove thy shirt.”

Remus laughed quietly as he shook his head for a second before discarding his shirt on top of Sirius’. Sirius walked over to him and wrapped his arms around his waist before kissing him soundly on the lips. He squeezed Remus closer and looked up to meet his gaze.

“God, you’re so pale. I’m so embarrassed for you,” Sirius whispered incredulously. Remus threw his head back in laughter and disentangled himself from Sirius’ arms, turning to walk to the edge of the cliff. 

He shot Sirius a sly look and said, “See you down there,” before taking two more steps forward and jumping down into the water. Sirius heard a splash a couple of seconds later and he laughed with joy as he ran towards and edge and jumped off to meet Remus.

The jump felt even further than it looked, and Sirius felt a thrill as his feet broke through the surface of the water, becoming completely submerged a second later. In contrast to the warm temperature outside, the water was cool in a way that made his entire body feel alive. When he came up for air he opened his eyes to see Remus swimming towards him, honey colored hair darker now that it was completely wet, hazel eyes shining brighter than normal.

“That was amazing,” Remus said as he grabbed Sirius by the arm and pulled him close to kiss him, the taste of his lips salty and cool. Sirius went willingly, throwing his arms around Remus’ neck to kiss him more deeply as they worked not to kick each other while treading water. 

“Do you want to do it again?” Sirius asked breathlessly after their mouths finally parted.

“Absolutely,” Remus answered. The little droplets of water stuck to his eyelashes as he looked at Sirius, hazel eyes flashing with happiness, made his head spun.

They ended up jumping two more times before spending the rest of the day swimming and relaxing on a pier, snacking on cheap seafood that they bought from little stands supplied by boats that had gone out to catch the fish that day. After feeling exhausted from being in the sun all day, they walked back to the bookstore to pick up Remus’ purchase and their phones. 

Before catching a cab back up to Oia to avoid the treacherously steep climb, Sirius begged Remus to make one more trip back up to the cliff so that they could take a picture — a picture in the most memorable place they had been all day. Remus was happy to oblige. They were alone when they reached the top and so Sirius demanded that Remus use his longer arms to take a selfie of the two of them. Probably in an effort to get back to the apartment as soon as possible, Remus readily agreed. Sirius grabbed him around the waist and kissed him on the cheek as he took the picture on his phone, the sparkling ocean and setting sun in the background.

The cab ride back up to Oia was quick and they both took another round of showers before getting dressed in a new set of dry clothes for dinner. Once at dinner, Sirius ordered nearly every staple of Greek cuisine that was on the menu, informing Remus that it was absolutely his favorite kind of food and this was no time to be cheap. 

Sirius noticed that Remus had become a little quieter during dinner, although still engaging and pleasant — because he was fatigued from spending the day swimming in the sun, no doubt. Sirius knew that he could come off a little overbearing at times, so he practiced just letting the other man be and bringing his own energy level down a bit to match his.

When they arrived back to their villa, Sirius went out onto the balcony to sit down and listen to the sounds of the ocean. It also would allow Remus some solitude if he needed it after spending the whole day together. To his surprise, however, Remus came out to join him a couple of minutes later, already having changed for bed, wear just his boxers and a t-shirt.

“This has been such an incredible trip,” Remus started as he sat down in the second chair, “I’m so happy you pushed me to go.”

“It has been amazing,” Sirius affirmed as he admired the man sitting next to him, his eyes slowing taking in every beautiful line of his face.

Remus hummed, looking back at Sirius. He broke eye contact to look out over the ocean, and Sirius turned to do the same. He had never been so comfortable and relaxed by simply in another person’s presence, he thought. They stayed in an easy silence until Remus’ voice sounded from the right again, “Sirius, I need to ask you something.”

“Go ahead,” Sirius said, turning back to face him.

Remus leaned forward and braced his elbows on his knees, hands clasped in front of him. “Where are you going to go once we get back to Florence?,” he asked.

A moment passed. “What do you mean?” Sirius asked back.

“I mean, you had a whole backpacking trip planned out, didn’t you,” Remus replied, and it seemed like all trace of tiredness was gone. He was alert and focused on Sirius’ face. “Where is your next stop?”

“I’m not leaving you,” Sirius answered breathily as if this was obvious.

Remus asked softly, “You’ll have to leave Florence eventually though, right? You have a life to get back to in London.”

Something in Sirius’ chest sank right into the pit of his stomach. “Do you… do you want me to leave Florence?” Sirius furrowed his brow, searching Remus’ face for something that would perhaps make him feel a little better about where this conversation could be heading.

“In a way I do,” Remus said thoughtfully and completely unbothered— in direct contrast to the anxiety that Sirius felt as his chest began to tighten into a knot and his stomach churned, “This relationship won’t work long term if you stay in Florence. I really like you, Sirius. I like you so fucking much. And this trip has greatly intensified that.” Remus took another breath and looked away from Sirius and out over the balcony, “But it’s not real life, Sirius. You will get bored and resentful of me if you don’t put yourself first right now.

“I wouldn’t resent you,” Sirius responded forcefully, only able to pick up on specific words from Remus to focus in on as he worked to keep his breathing steady and the knot in his chest from taking over his whole body. Remus turned back to look at Sirius before waiting a moment to answer.

“Okay,” he said slowly, as if he were thinking carefully about what he was going to say next, “even if that were true, I need a partner who has a purpose outside of me. Otherwise, it’s too much pressure, and that doesn’t work for either of us. You can’t just hang around Florence indefinitely and make someone — me — your purpose. You’ve got too much going for you to do that.”

“You want me to leave,” Sirius said simply, his voice dull now as the sharp knot in his chest dissipated into a thousand tiny ones carried out to his brain and limbs, making him feel oddly calm now, “You always make me feel like I’m not good enough for you.”

Remus shook his head forcefully and made a frustrated sound in his throat. He angled his body closer to Sirius and answered, eyes wide, “That’s not what I’m saying, at all, Sirius. I want to be with you, fuck, I wouldn’t have… I wouldn’t have had sex with you if I didn’t want to be with you.” Remus stood up and put his forearms in the balcony as he leaned over. “I can’t bloody stay away from you,” he said, then turned toward Sirius again with his back to the railing, “And that is exactly why I am saying this. I want us to work, but a relationship won’t work unless you are in control of your life first.” 

Sirius didn’t answer, but instead leaned forward to hold his face in his hands as he felt his heart sink back down to a place he had dreaded it ever returning to.

“I’ve done this all before,” Remus continued, his tone soft again, “I’ve been in relationships that don’t work out because of precisely this reason – I’ve experienced a lot more than you have, I know how these dynamics play out.” He stopped talking again, presumably waiting for Sirius to respond. But Sirius didn’t; he remained frozen in his chair as he let the words sink in. Eventually Remus took a long inhale and continued, “Look, I’ll be back in London in a year, two years at most. We can stay in touch and you can use that time to get your life sorted out.”

It was quiet again. After a couple of minutes, Sirius heard Remus sit back down, “Sirius please say something.”

“You make it sound like I’m some childish loser, like my feelings for you aren’t valid.” Sirius finally responded, wishing his face didn’t feel so fucking hot.

“You’re not,” Remus answered immediately. “And of course your feelings are valid. But you are only 23 years old, and you’re taking what I’m saying in totally the wrong way,” Remus explained. Sirius didn’t know what was more overwhelming in the moment, the rush of abject despair that had pooled in his belly or the rush of anger at his throat from being spoken to so patronizingly. “Like you’re crying right now, Sirius! I don’t know why. I’m only trying to have a real conversation about this.”

As soon as Remus pointed it out, Sirius felt the hot sting of tears rolling down his face. But he was feeling far too much to give any emotional space to the humiliation of crying in front of Remus for the second time in just over 24 hours. 

“I’m crying because we are so fucking great together, but you aren’t ever going to take me seriously unless I fit into some stupid idea you have about who you are supposed to be with,” Sirius said, chest heaving as he worked to keep his voice as steady as he could.

Remus shook his head and said, “I’m trying to tell you that I do want _you_ , but I want it to be about more than just sex, and I know that you do too.”

Hearing Remus educating him on what it was that _he_ wanted tipped the scale of his competing emotions back toward anger and he shouted out like a dart, “And maybe there could have been another way that didn’t involve telling me that you want me to leave Florence — but that’s what you fucking want!” 

“Fuck, this is exactly why I thought this trip was a bad idea,” Remus threw back, his voice with an edge of anger now, “I’m not going to apologize for what I’m telling you. Maybe it’s not what you want to hear, but it’s the only way we can actually have something long-term. I can’t support you not pursuing your own life and your own goals.” Remus waited again for a response, but Sirius just stared ahead. The surge of anger gave him some clarity, and it fully dawned on him that nothing he could say right now would hold any merit for the other man. 

“Look, can we talk about this in the morning?” Remus sighed, his voice gentle now, all traces of anger gone. “Maybe you will see it differently then and maybe I will be able to articulate things better.”

“Everything is always on your terms, Remus,” Sirius said defeatedly as he stood up and walked back into the bedroom.

“I’m sorry Sirius,” Remus said, voice coming from behind him now against the backdrop of ocean waves, “I can’t back down on something that I know is right.”

Sirius wiped his face and turned towards the bathroom, shutting the door behind him. He sat down on the edge of the sink as he went through some breathing exercises to calm himself down. After fifteen minutes, he felt sufficiently numbed and empty, and he turned around to brush his teeth and get ready for bed.

When he walked back out into the bedroom, Remus was in bed already with all of the lights, except for the one on Sirius’ night stand, turned off. Sirius crawled into the bed, as close to the edge as possible, and pulled the covers over his body before turning the light off.

He stared ahead at the dark room for about two minutes before he heard Remus shift closer to him and felt a hand come under his shirt and begin to caress his stomach. Remus began to kiss along his neck and his hand was moving lower, about to make contact with Sirius’ unwantedly hard cock.

Sirius wanted to let Remus keep going, a huge part of him desperately wanted to sink into Remus’ touch like he had that morning and the night before. But the difference was that now there was another part of him that wanted to get as far away from Remus as fucking possible. And it wasn’t a part of himself that he could ignore.

“Please don’t touch me,” Sirius spoke unfeelingly and Remus’ entire body seemed to freeze around him.

“Okay, I won’t,” Remus said quietly and retracted his hand. He shifted back to the other side of the bed and Sirius pressed his eyelids shut and felt another tear run down his face.

Sirius laid there, staring at the wall across from him, for hours. Eventually, he heard Remus’ breathing even out and he was relieved that the other man was finally asleep. It almost felt like he had a little more privacy. He was alone.

He must have dozed off at some point, because when he checked his phone, it read 4:30am. He laid there as his mind rehashed every single word Remus he said to him hours ago; he remembered every single word of his that Remus had brushed to the side as if he were a child with no agency. He had never been made to feel so small before. Never by someone he had cared so strongly for — someone he had completely splayed himself open for on so many different levels, a far worse betrayal than he had ever experienced from his family. He had to get out.

Sirius moved out of the bed quietly and got dressed in the clothes he had worn the night before and left in the bathroom. He kept the lights off as he stealthily gathered up a few errant items on the floor of the bedroom and pushed them into his backpack, making sure that Remus’ breathing was still steady in the background. 

Finally, he placed the key on his nightstand, gently threw the backpack around his shoulders, and walked out the door without a sound.


	4. A Season of Spring

_Four Years Later_

Sirius walked out of his Immunopathology class feeling equal parts exhaustion and utter relief. It was Friday afternoon and he had survived another round of midterms, and he actually felt good about them. Sirius was looking forward to a weekend of absolutely nothing, with no studying on the horizon for weeks, and fully intended to take advantage of the offtime. He turned towards the exit of the building until he heard a familiar voice call out his name, “Sirius, hold up!”

It was Molly, his most trusted study partner and friend he had met last year, although he had gotten to know her much better this year when they formed a study group together. He turned around and smiled at her as he waited for her to catch up.

“That wasn’t too bad, right?” she asked as they started walking in stride together.

“No,” Sirius shook his head and blew out a gust of air, “But, I give all credit to those flowcharts you created for our study sessions.” 

“Fuck yeah you do,” Molly emphasized and wrapped her arm around his waist as they walked, and Sirius laughed softly, “But you can thank me for that later. A couple of us from the class are going out tonight. You have got to join us, it’s so much more fun when I can actually convince you to go out.”

“Molly, you’re the best, but I really shouldn’t,” Sirius said in a more regretful tone than he really felt, “I picked up a shift tomorrow morning and really want to get to sleep early tonight. I’m headed straight home right now.” 

“So bloody responsible,” Molly snorted as they pushed the door open and stepped outside, “Well, text me if you change your mind. You know you’re always welcome.” 

“I do,” Sirius smiled before telling Molly goodbye and turning in the opposite direction that she was headed, and he began making the short walk home to his townhome. That was the absolute best part about living so close to Imperial — his bed was only a five-minute walk from campus, and he could collapse after his exams.

He opened the door to the flat and heard his uncle call hello from the kitchen. He had expected the townhome to be empty when he arrived, but seeing his uncle was always a pleasant surprise, even if it did disrupt his prior plan to nap. 

“Hello!” Sirius greeted him as he walked into the kitchen to find a spread of food out on the counter, “I didn’t expect you back until Tuesday!”

“The meetings on Monday got cancelled so I caught the earliest train back this morning that I could. I texted to give you a little warning, but you must have been in exams.” 

“Yep, but I’m done now,” Sirius beamed as he gestured to the food, “What’s all this?”

“Wanted to make things easy on you when you got back,” Alphard waved as if it was nothing, “You’ve been working your arse off for weeks. That light in your room is always on.”

“The joys of university,” Sirius snorted, grabbing one of the sandwiches that Alphard had laid out, “but thank you, uncle. I probably would have eaten a bag of carrots or something if you hadn’t been here.” 

Alphard smiled in response before picking up a sandwich for himself. “So how did this week go then?”

“The exams felt surprisingly good,” Sirius answered easily, “I think it took struggling through the first year to realize that joining a study group is the best way for me to learn. I’m not dreading getting my score back this time.” 

“You do seem calmer this year,” his uncle commented before taking a bite.

“I’m learning,” Sirius laughed, “And then right when I get the hang of it, I’ll start doing clinical rotations and be lost again.” 

“You’ll be amazing, Sirius” Alphard stated simply, and Sirius felt a wave of gratitude surge through his body. Sometimes he reflected on his life five years ago compared to his life now and couldn’t believe the profound changes. 

The two of them carried on talking while they ate, until Alphard banished him up to his room to get some rest once he finally noticed the dark circles under his nephew’s eyes. Sirius gratefully obeyed and took a quick shower before crawling into his bed. His mind was still winding down from the week, however, and sleep wasn’t coming as easily as he expected. 

Suddenly Sirius’ mind went back to the brief thought he had had a few minutes ago, a sense of awe about how his life had evolved. He couldn’t help but feel a sense of pride in himself for having committed to returning to studying medicine in the first place, let alone actually maintaining the consistent discipline do well in his classes. Even though he still had so far to go, he was finally on the right track, surrounded by the right people. And he was happy. He didn’t often feel the highs of erratic joy that he had when he was younger, but he didn’t feel lost or that deep, bone-chilling sadness anymore either, and that was something to appreciate.

But there was a small consistent voice in the back of his mind that told him that something was missing. And on the rare occasions he decided to indulge that small voice, it reminded him that that something missing was Remus. Four years later and it was still Remus. Four years in the future it would still be Remus.

It was always going to be Remus.

Now that the distraction of midterms was over, those thoughts flooded right back into his mind. And this time, Sirius decided that he wouldn’t fight them away, not like he usually did. Instead, he decided to pull out his laptop and do something he only allowed about twice a year when the urge came on. He was going to look Remus up. 

Remus had ended up returning to London after two years in Florence, meaning that he and Sirius had been in the same city for about two and a half years now. Sirius had known this for a while, but he couldn’t seem to muster up a good enough reason to do something about it. It had never felt right.

He pulled up the King’s College website and clicked the link for the faculty of the Arts & Humanities campus. And there Remus was, smiling in an official photo with his classes, honors, and awards listed to the side. Usually this small picture would be enough to satisfy Sirius for another six months, but this time, Sirius did some more digging until he found what he hadn’t really known he’d been looking for: a PDF that listed the schedules of every class on the campus. Remus taught from 4pm-5:30pm on Mondays and Wednesdays and 10am-12pm on Tuesdays and Thursdays. 

That small voice piped up and reasoned that he would get out of class on Mondays by 3pm and never worked on Monday evenings, so Monday would be the day to go. He scrolled through the course information and saw this class was a large introduction to humanities lecture, so it would be filled with hundreds of students and he would blend right in. He could sit in the lecture and watch Remus with no expectations at all and leave without Remus ever knowing he was there. Or maybe he would talk to him. 

When Sirius caught himself imagining how it would go if he and Remus ever spoke again, what the first thing Sirius would say would be, he laughed nervously. Maybe this really would happen. Maybe he had gotten to the point where he was ready to see Remus again. Maybe it was time to take another leap for himself. Take another leap for the man he couldn’t get out of his mind.

Sirius closed his laptop and shut his eyes. He wouldn’t make the decision now. Monday was a whole weekend away and he would see how he felt about it when the time came. 

*****

Sirius stepped out of the Temple tube station and combed a hand through his hair as he took a moment to calm his ragged nerves. He breathed out hard through his nose and looked back at his surroundings. 

The River Thames was directly to his right, and to his left was King’s College. He felt his body wheel around to the left, then at the last second spun abruptly to the right, at war with himself in an odd dance as passersby walked around him, unnoticing. You know, maybe he would take advantage of the nice weather and walk along the river for a while; yes, sounds nice. He blew out another gust of air and looked down to check his watch, then realized that he only had 20 minutes until Remus’ lecture started, and there just wasn’t time for any of this. He set his jaw and quieted his doubts, turned hard for the left, and walked with purpose to the humanities building. 

A surreal feeling washed over him as he crossed campus. Things were different now. He wasn’t flailing around in his early 20s as the world he knew crumbled around him anymore. He was proud of his life, of the decisions he had made and what he had fought to achieve for himself. But for these past four years, when the thought of Remus — his voice full of calm conviction, or his hands, gentle as they turned the page of an old book or ran their fingertips down Sirius’ cheek — bubbled up in his mind, he shoved the memories down. But with each step across the courtyard, his yearning become more corporeal, like it had been in Florence — more like a geyser on the verge of erupting, quaking under the surface, pressurized by all of the thousands of times Sirius wished he was with Remus and that things had turned out differently.

Sirius harnessed all of that energy into finding him now. He found the right classroom quickly as if by instinct after entering the correct building, knowing from the online directory to head upstairs to the third floor lecture hall. After following a winding hallway, he arrived at his destination and checked his watch. Eight minutes early. Perfect.

He walked into the room and let his eyes scan the massive lecture hall, immediately comforted by the anonymity enabled by a huge space like this, just like he expected. He turned in a circle to look at how far back the seating went and laughed internally, because with Remus’ talent and teaching acumen, did he expect anything less than classes of 300? Students were filing in alongside him now, and he gravitated towards the right side of the room to take an aisle seat. Another wave of surrealness washed over him as he settled in. He had been so intimate with this man, and now he was sitting in a chair amongst an ocean of students who only knew him as their professor. 

The room filled up within the next five minutes, and Sirius leaned forward as the sounds of the room shifted from idle chatter to the rustling of notebooks being pulled from backpacks and pens clicking, to relative silence. Maybe he isn’t here today, or maybe there is a substitute, Sirius found himself wondering irrationally — the notion of Remus being here, right here, just felt impossible, almost laughable. Sirius’ eyes were scanning over the students when he heard the door at the front of the hall open and his breath halted.

The sound of the door’s metal hinge giving way and clicking back into place was magnified by the acoustics of the room, as was the sharp tap and reverb of Remus’ steady footsteps against the hardwood floor, echoing the rhythm of Sirius’ heartbeat as he gazed at the man who hadn’t left his mind in four years, not really. 

He looked exactly the same.

“Hi, everyone,” Remus announced once he reached the front podium, opening up his laptop and connecting it to the projector with the air of someone who had completed this exact routine hundreds of times before. “You’re lucky I made it here for class,” he said lightly as he continued refining settings on the screen, then looked up to address the students toward the front half of the room directly with a smile, “Almost couldn’t help myself with weather this perfect today — the river is unreal, isn’t it?” 

A student in the front row piped up, and Sirius got the impression she was a top-of-the-class type, “Yes! But it’s not too late, how about we just move the lecture outside today, professor?” 

Remus laughed as he turned around to check the positioning of the projector screen. “I have a feeling my slides won’t function quite as well out there, but it was worth the ask, Mary,” he said, turning around to face the room again.

He used the clicker to flip back to the first slide and looked up, scanning the sea of faces in the lecture hall. “Alright,” Remus said at a louder decibel to address the room at large, placing his hands around the sides of the podium on either side of his laptop, with an open smile on his face. Sirius grinned from behind his hand, thinking that Remus really was born to be a professor. “We are picking up where we left off on Wednesday, a discussion about the transition from the Middle ages to the Renaissance, which really took off at the end of the 15th century in Florence, Italy. As I’m sure you picked up from your reading this week, the Renaissance began after the plague in the 14th and 15th centuries and was fueled by soldiers returning from the crusades — the end of a period filled with widespread pain and suffering in Europe that led to a reawakening and appreciation for humanity. A celebration of life and beauty after a period of abject misery,” Remus announced.

He took a step back from the podium and walked a few paces to the right before asking the room, “Can anybody tell us the societal changes that ushered in the Renaissance in Florence?” He made a gesture with his hands and added, “In other words, what specific factors brought forth this renewed appreciation for ancient Greek and Roman art after the crusades and the plague had ended?”

Sirius wasn’t sure exactly what it was that compelled him to do it, but he didn’t question the impulse. He quickly stuck his hand up into the air and waited. 

Remus’ eyes scanned once more over the room, almost opening his mouth to answer his own question until he looked surprised to see a hand raised, and he followed it down to the person it belonged to. 

The remote that he had been using to control the slideshow slipped from his hand and onto the floor. Sirius felt ice surge through his veins as they looked at each other, sending Remus a soft smile as the other man’s eyes seemed frozen wide in surprise. ‘Disarmed’ was not an adjective that had ever been used to describe Remus Lupin until that moment. 

They held the others’ gaze for only a couple of seconds before Remus broke contact and trained his eyes downward. He coughed and leaned down to pick up the remote, and when his eyes returned to Sirius’, his composure seemed to have been completely regained. 

“Yes?” Remus asked with raised eyebrows, polite and inviting, directing Sirius’ focus back to the question that had been posed only seconds before. 

“The two biggest factors were Lorenzo de Medici’s unprecedented support of artists of that time period, and the re-emergence of platonic thought by neoplatonic philosophers in Greece,” Sirius replied, practically reciting verbatim what Remus had taught him during their first outing in Florence. “Medici was a patron of the key artists who essentially led Florence into the Renaissance: da Vinci, Michaelangelo, Botticelli. He provided sponsorship for the arts in a way that had never been seen before — so naturally, artwork flourished in a way it never had before. And the themes of the art, an ‘appreciation for humanity’ as you said before, were inspired by the neoplatonic philosophers in Greece who had uncovered ancient platonic texts.”

Sirius saw Remus’ chest fall as he let out a large breath. “That’s right,” Remus confirmed evenly, holding eye contact for one more second before looking away from Sirius and continuing his lecture as if there had been no interruption. 

Remus moved on to his slide deck, bringing up pictures of late 15th century Renaissance art. He started with Botticelli, of course, just as he had with Sirius, and loaded a picture of the ‘Birth of Venus’. He shared the same description he had given of the painting to Sirius years ago, with a little more emphasis on various interpretations of the painting from art critics through the centuries and up until today. 

He flipped to the next slide, another Botticelli painting that Sirius had vaguely remembered from their trip to the Uffizi. Sirius hadn’t paid much mind to it in the Botticelli room years ago, probably distracted by Remus for some reason or another, but found himself transfixed by the image now.

“This painting is up there with the ‘Birth of Venus’ as one of Botticelli’s most famous pieces. It’s called ‘Primavera’, which translates to ‘the season of spring’,” Remus started again as he gestured to the painting on the slide. “The painting depicts a group of figures from classical mythology in a garden, but no story has been found that brings this particular group together. Again, as seen in most of Botticelli’s art, it is a celebration of life. Spring represents a reawakening from winter, a time of beauty and renewal following a bleak period, and is of course a great metaphor for the Renaissance, in contrast to the Dark and Middle Ages. You can see the blossoms in the trees, the light, the unguarded interactions between the figures — there’s an ease and peacefulness here that wasn’t seen in the art we have studied from centuries previous.” 

Remus continued after a beat, “An apt metaphor for the phases of life as well, which is partially why this painting is so renowned — it is an appreciation for the ‘lusher’, or more promising periods of life that will always emerge after suffering. Art isn’t just about gazing upon beautiful images; it’s about absorbing a message that can inspire something within the viewer’s own life, which is what ‘Primavera’ accomplishes so well — hope for a reawakening when one is going through a trying time.”

The next 50 minutes passed quickly; the adrenaline that was sent coursing through Sirius’ bloodstream during the interaction with Remus had long since dissipated, leaving his body feeling more relaxed than it had all week, as if a ripcord was pulled and all the tension was released. He let the voice that had had such a calming effect on him wash over him, and before he knew it, Remus was assigning readings related to 17th century Baroque art and students were beginning to file out of the lecture hall. 

Sirius waited a couple of minutes for the room to clear out before he stood to walk up to the front of the room. Remus was at the podium organizing his lecture notes while talking to Mary, who had approached him right after the class ended to ask how to reconcile the Christian influence ushered in by neoplatonic thought with the emphasis on classical mythology depicted in the artwork. When he saw Sirius approach from the corner of his eye, he made an effort to stay engaged, but eventually he apologized to her, made something up about being in a rush to get somewhere today, and reminded her that his office hours were from 8 - 10am the following morning. 

Mary waved goodbye and meandered away, and Remus turned around. “Hello,” Sirius said, and he walked a couple of steps forward.

“Sirius,” Remus started, pausing for a moment. “It’s good to see you.” 

Sirius breathed out a laugh as he took another step closer to Remus. “I’m relieved to hear you say that,” he admitted. “I didn’t know how else to get in touch with you, and an email didn’t feel right.”

“Hm, no, I suppose it wouldn’t,” Remus responded with a small smile as he tipped his head to the side. After a beat he said, “You changed your number after you left Greece.” 

Sirius felt the wind get knocked out of him. “Yeah, I did,” Sirius managed. “I’ve changed a lot of things since then,” he added. Sirius watched as Remus nodded once and played at the hem of his sleeve, then pushed the sleeves up his forearms, looked like he was going to say something, and let out a deep exhalation through his nose instead.

“Will you take a walk with me?” Sirius asked, and he flicked his eyes back up from Remus’ forearms to his face to see that he was watching him intently.

“Sure,” Remus responded quickly. He waved a hand toward his teaching materials and requested, “Let me just stop by my office to drop this off first.” 

“Okay. Lead the way,” Sirius answered. Remus nodded again and gathered his things together before heading to the door at the back of the lecture hall. Sirius followed Remus silently as they walked down a flight of stairs to the faculty offices, and he noticed his hair was the exact same shade of rich honey as he remembered. Remus was quick about the task, locking up his office a few minutes later and soon they made their way outside the building into the sunlight.

They walked a few paces across the courtyard before Sirius glanced over at Remus. “What?” Sirius laughed, “You’ve been sneaking glances at me for the last five minutes.”

Remus smiled and answered simply, “I just can’t believe that you’re here right now.”

Sirius nodded and looked down at the lush green grass under their feet, and then his eyes found Remus again. “I don’t think you ever did take me very seriously,” he said.

“I’m sorry, Sirius,” Remus said, and Sirius knew he meant it. There wasn’t much else to say, and Remus wasn’t one to fill a space with too many words. It was one of the things Sirius loved about him.

Sirius hummed in acknowledgement as they made their way further into the campus’ courtyard. “I mean, you were right not to, you know. You were right about it all, in a way. But I hope you will now.”

Remus smiled. It was silent for a few moments before Remus looked over again, narrowing his eyes a moment as he studied Sirius’ face. “You look so different. I don’t know, maybe just older.” 

“And you still look 28,” Sirius replied sincerely, earning a soft laugh from Remus. They had made their way over to a large shady tree, and Sirius stopped to lean a shoulder against it. “I’m back at Imperial Med now,” he said.

“You did it,” Remus commented and smiled brightly as he leaned against the tree, facing him, “That’s incredible, Sirius.”

Sirius continued on, “And I live with my uncle in Kensington. I work during the summer so that I can afford everything else by myself. I haven’t had to interact with the rest of my family in years.”

Remus’ eyes widened and he said, “Wow, you must feel so much freer than you used —“

“I never stopped thinking about you, Remus,” Sirius cut him off firmly, but his voice was gentle, “I tried to, so many times. But I couldn’t.” Remus was fixated on Sirius as he spoke, remaining silent, waiting for him to continue. It was odd to see that the dynamic between them had shifted so drastically, but it emboldened Sirius even more, underscoring the fact that four years had passed by and changed a lot of things. “I want to be with you. I’ve wanted to be with you since the very moment I saw you tucked away with a pile of books in that little cafe in Florence. I may have been a stupid 23-year-old--”

“You were never _stupid--_ ”

“--but I was right about that,” Sirius finished, carefully enunciating every word. Remus was watching Sirius as if he was the only person who existed, looking pensive, like the personification of thought, just as Sirius remembered him. 

After what felt like a minute had passed, Sirius broke the silence again. “Remus?”

“Fuck,” Remus laughed breathily as he shook his head clear and leaned it against the tree, as if steeling himself. He breathed through his teeth and said, “I just really want to kiss you right now.”

The left side of Sirius’ face bloomed into a smile and he angled his body to face him dead-on. “I don’t know what’s stopping you. I’ve made my feelings perfectly clear, haven’t I?”

Remus nodded deliberately, but his eyes wandered away from Sirius and across the courtyard. “I don’t want any students to see; it’s hard enough to get them to take me seriously when I look 28, as you say.”

“Ah, of course. Plus, if Mary finds out that you like men, she might stop paying attention in class,” Sirius quipped, causing Remus to laugh suddenly, and his face burst into Sirius’ favorite of his smiles. “Can we go somewhere?”

“We can go to my flat,” Remus said, nodding behind Sirius, “I’ll get us a cab.” 

Sirius widened his eyes to an almost comical degree, but there was no joke here. “Thank God,” he said resolutely, and he grabbed Remus’ forearm and launched them off the tree.

They sat in silence once inside of the cab. Sirius knew that they had a lot to talk about, but he wasn’t ready to initiate anything with somebody else present. Remus must have felt the same way as he sat in silence, impatiently tapping two fingers against his knee. 

The cab arrived outside of Remus’ flat only ten minutes later, and Remus handed the driver some pounds before they each got out of the car. Sirius followed Remus into the building in front of them and up a flight of stairs. He unlocked the door to his flat and held it open for Sirius to walk inside. 

Sirius turned around as soon as Remus had closed the door and grabbed both of his hands to pull him in. He wasn’t hesitant when he placed one hand on Remus’ lower back to pull him closer, and he wasn’t hesitant when he leaned forward to kiss Remus on his lips.

When Remus kissed him back, it was enthusiastic, but it wasn’t frantic, as it always had felt between them before. The kiss was no longer wrought with a passionate desperation that filled some undefined void in Sirius, but instead initiated a slow build of quiet exaltation and peace within him instead. They took their time, neither man trying to speed up the languid pace of their lips meeting, savoring what had become a long-awaited reunion for both of them. 

Sirius pulled away from Remus eventually, and Remus slowly turned him around to pull him back into an embrace, Sirius’ back flush against his chest. It felt very familiar, and right, even after all of those years.

“Your flat is nice. It’s very you,” Sirius commented now that he had a view of the space in front of him. The flat was small, as was typical in London, but extremely organized and clean. The kitchen was directly to his right and the living room was straight ahead. 

“Thanks,” Remus murmured into Sirius’ hair as he hugged him tighter. After a moment, he planted a single kiss onto Sirius’ neck and loosened his hold. “Shall I make us some tea?”

“Tea sounds great,” Sirius replied with a smile, meandering into the living room as Remus turned toward the kitchen. 

“You said you’re living with your uncle?” Remus asked conversationally as he began to boil some water. 

“Yeah, he’s been a godsend. I’d like to think I would have found a way back to university even without him, but it’s hard to imagine how,” Sirius answered back as he took in Remus’ living room. A couch and a recliner were arranged around a wooden coffee table in the center of the room. There were three large bookcases absolutely packed full of books settled around the perimeter of the room and a mahogany desk in the right hand corner.

“I’m sure you would have figured something out,” Sirius heard Remus say from the kitchen as he walked over to Remus’ desk, the only cluttered part of his flat, it seemed. There were various texts and papers strewn all over it — organized chaos, most likely. 

Sirius’ eyes caught sight of a picture frame on the right side of the desk, one of Remus at a graduation ceremony, along with two people who must have been his parents based on the proud, beaming grins on their faces. Sirius smiled at this younger Remus, who must have been around the same age that Sirius had been in Florence. He looked younger — certainly more gangly, as he had been warned — but that understated self-assurance that had initially drawn Sirius to him still shone through, even from the photograph.

Sirius looked to the left side of the desk, where behind a stack of books he could see the corner of a silver frame peaking out. He pulled it out and his breath hitched in surprise. Remus was smiling back at him in the photo, both eyes beaming brightly at the camera, and Sirius coming back from kissing him on the cheek, a smile plastered on his face. His hand held onto the back of Remus’ neck to pull him close, the bright sun and vast expanse of the ocean behind them. The only picture they had taken together.

Sirius held onto the frame, unable to look away as memories of the trip flooded back into his mind. Memories that he had thought about far too often over the last three years, but that somehow felt more poignant now as he looked on their blissfully happy faces in the photo. The plane ride to Santorini, cliff-jumping in Amoudi Bay, the bookstore, the stupid makeshift toga, the incredible time in their little villa. And the terrible time too. The trip that had been absolutely perfect until it wasn’t.

“Sirius?” Remus said and pulled him out of his trance with a gentle hand on the shoulder, “Was asking how you like your tea? Oh.” He saw the picture in Sirius’ hand once he turned around to face him and breathed out a light laugh. “Yeah. I love that picture.”

Sirius smiled sadly and remained quiet, searching Remus’ face for a few moments. Remus remained calmly silent until Sirius had composed his thoughts enough to speak. 

“I’m sorry I left you in Greece like that.”

Remus nodded slowly, staying quiet as if he were trying to choose the precisely right words to respond with. A long moment later, he spoke again. “I was so angry,” he started, although there was no trace of anger in his voice now, only a sort of distant wonder, “I was so worried about you and you wouldn’t even answer your phone. I sat in that room for three extra days hoping you would show up again.”

Sirius cringed at this new information. He had always felt guilty about leaving without any explanation, but it was made even worse hearing about it from Remus. He walked a couple of steps over to the couch and sat down, still looking at the picture in his hand, and sighed softly. 

“I didn’t know how to reconcile you saying that I should leave Florence with you also actually caring about me,” Sirius explained — he had spent hundreds of hours thinking about this exact topic before, thinking about how he would hopefully articulate it to Remus one day. “I was immature and I had no idea how to regulate everything I was feeling. I wanted you to be angry. Even more, I wanted you to hurt. So I left and immediately blocked your number. Then I got a new number once I got back to London a couple weeks later.” Sirius paused and finally looked away from the picture and back up to Remus. “Like I said, you were right about a lot of things, I wasn’t ready for a real relationship yet.”

“I don’t know what I could have done differently,” Remus resolved, moving to sit in the recliner, “I know that I could have approached it better, more tactfully, more gently. I’ve thought about a million different ways I could have approached it better, Sirius. I cared for you so much, but all I could think about that evening was that if you stayed in Florence, it would never have lasted.”

“I know, I know,” Sirius said, lolling his head forward. He looked up at Remus and raised his eyebrows before offering, “That’s the kind way of putting it. We would have fucked nonstop for a couple weeks and then I would have driven you crazy.”

“Right,” Remus laughed softly as he shook his head, “You always had a way with words.” 

Sirius hummed in thought before speaking again, “It’s easy to talk about now, after I’ve had years to look at it from your perspective, but I don’t think I had ever felt as hurt as I did that night. It’s like I had been living my dream come true, feeling happy in a way that I thought was impossible after my brother had died. But then you brought up me leaving Florence and it was as if that bubble I had been living in just popped. And you wouldn’t listen to me. I felt so heartbroken and humiliated.”

“I know,” Remus responded sadly, “I’ve regretted that I didn’t handle that night better for years, for both of our sakes. I’m so sorry.”

“Thank you,” Sirius said with a small smile, “And I really am sorry about how I left. You wanted me to develop myself so that we would be two whole people, and there’s nothing callous about that. I just wasn’t ready to hear it,” Sirius said. He tapped his fingers on the couch before asking what he really wanted to know, “Are you still angry about it all?”

“No,” Remus answered resolutely, “And I haven’t been for a long time. I recognized right away that I should have been more sensitive about it, with everything you had gone through at the time. And after getting some real space from the situation, I realized that it just wasn’t the right timing for us.” 

“No, but it is now,” Sirius said, just as resolutely. “I am in class and labs all day now, I study until about 2am every night, and I try to work during any free time I have so that I don’t have to take out another student loan. I’m exhausted most of the time, but my life has more meaning than I have ever experienced.” Sirius held Remus’ gaze and felt the corner of his mouth crook up at a thought, and then he shared, “It’s ironic actually — I have never been more inwardly-focused and stretched to my limits, but I am for the first time mentally healthy enough to be a good partner for someone. For you. I didn’t understand before in Greece, but now I know what you meant. And I can say, fully knowing what this entails, that I don’t want to be without you anymore.” 

Remus stood up from the recliner and walked over to join Sirius on the couch. He bent his knee to angle his body toward Sirius as he settled in, then leaned forward to brush a lock of hair behind Sirius’ ear. He didn’t take his eyes off Sirius’ face as his hand slid to his shoulder and down his arm before taking Sirius’ hand in his. He looked down to see the fingers of Sirius’ hand intertwining tightly with his own.

Remus smiled and laughed softly through his nose. “You were so fucking cute that day you stumbled into the cafe and sat across from me,” he said, then lifted his eyes back up to meet Sirius’ with a faraway look about them. Sirius thought that the specks of green in his eyes were twinkling. “You were soaking wet and asking me whatever question popped into your head. And you looked at me like you had never seen anything more fascinating.”

“Was I that obvious?” Sirius asked, already knowing the answer.

Remus’ lips blossomed into a larger smile. “You were. I thought ‘who is this adorable, lost boy who just came out of nowhere’. And then you kept showing up, pretending to be interested in art—”

“I wasn’t _completely_ pretending,” Sirius interjected and raised a pointer finger into the air.

“—and eating your weight in gelato. And after spending some time with you, I figured out that you were very smart too, and so honest. And you had these expressive eyes that made my heart melt,” Remus said and couldn't suppress the joyful laugh that escaped his lips at the memory. “You popped into my life for one short month and I probably didn’t appreciate you enough until you were gone,” he continued, running his thumb along Sirius’ as Sirius squeezed his hand, “I was so worried I would never see you again.”

Sirius leaned forward and caught Remus’ mouth in another kiss, feeling unbelievably lucky that the time apart had ultimately brought them back together again. Remus lifted a hand to cup Sirius’ cheek, his fingers caressing along his jawline. “So what do we do now?” Remus asked, resting his forehead gently against Sirius’.

And this time, Sirius thought, not only was the man in front of him right, but the timing was as well. Their season of spring.


End file.
